And Four, You've Been Yelled At!

Everyone loves a tourist.

2009-11-28T15:51:00.002+08:00

We visited the San Diego Zoo this morning, typically we spend our free days engaged in errands, chores, napping, running or swimming. I forget that San Diego is the home of a world class menagerie. We played the role of out of town tourists - purchased zoo ephemera, enjoyed the mild winter temperatures, wore shorts and t-shirts. I think Seb enjoyed the day, he made quite a bit of noise at the primate exhibits.

Cog Sci 101

2009-11-26T03:53:00.003+08:00

"Theory of Mind is the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc.—to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from one's own." - Wiki

My little guy has not developed Theory of Mind. It was made apparent this morning at daycare. When we arrived the newest member of the daycare was crying. Immediately Seb pointed at the crying child and began to laugh. Even though the response was incongruous to the event, I began to laugh at his response thus positively reinforcing his socially inappropriate response.

(photo credit: Chris Ritchie)

12 months

2009-10-29T02:18:00.003+08:00

The last 12 months have passed ever so quickly. Happy birthday son!

Today and forever

2009-09-18T05:41:00.002+08:00

I received a short e-mail from a friend today. His cousin was hit by a truck riding her bike to work. She had just graduated from Yale (as all Binghams do) and was working for a non-profit in Cleveland.

I met her when she was fourteen at the friend's wedding. The day after the wedding we went to Powell's Bookstore. She recommended the Tin Drum to me, while I recommended Absolute Beginners to her. We kept in touch after the wedding. We lost touch eventually, but I occasionally wondered where she ended up.

My first impression of her was that she was very bright, well read and a brilliant conversationalist. She was destined for great things.

Home renos starting again ...

2009-09-17T07:00:00.001+08:00

1. Water heater conversion to tankless
2. Master bedroom closet
3. Kitchen patio

Starting in two weeks.

Office

2009-09-12T03:05:00.002+08:00

I am tired of seeing my brother's blog entry, I decided to post a picture of my office door instead.

Video of the month.

A Haunting at the Last House on Haunted Hill

2009-06-21T22:54:00.008+08:00

A Haunting in Connecticut: So the movie pitch to the studio heads probably went something like this:

"Ok, we're gonna get Casey Jones, the wine-taster from Candyman, Slimer, and a bunch of extras from 13 Ghosts. The movie is barely based on real life events, but who gives a fuck? We'll scare the audience roughly once every five minutes."

So that about sums up this movie. There are effective, but predictable scares at every corner. But I couldn't help but be reminded that I've seen this somewhere before...House on Haunted Hill! Creepy house that used to be an insane asylum or mortuary? Check. Old operation room? Check. Bitter dead people? Check.

Nothing so much as an original bone in this movie...until Casey Jones crashes in. He puts on his hockey mask, does his best Powder impersonation, and kicks the ectoplasm out of the Foot Soldiers aka dead people. The turtles, not used to taking on zombies that have been Banksy'ed in blood, take a back seat to that woman chanting Candyman in the mirror until Bloody Mary comes out to rip shit up. Christopher Walken, who was not available to play an arch-angel to Jones's vigilante, commented "come join me for champan-ya at The Continental." And then Forrest Gump shows up and is like "well shit man!."

The fat guy beside me, who was hard of breathing, sounded like he was gonna have a heart attack during the movie. In this day and age, I think that counts as being entertained.

I give this movie 1.5 shriveled balls in a room full of gay people wearing angel wings...meaning I don't know if I was scared or had a good time.

Ignoramus.

2009-06-09T05:53:00.004+08:00

Two scientists from P.R.C. are visiting our lab this autumn. All of the sudden I am the local expert for all things Sino - pronunciation, INS, language, culture etc ...

My mind is blown by the rampant stupidity in the lab.

On a different note, Bruce Lee is still the realness!

Ha ha ha.

2009-06-03T05:39:00.002+08:00

"Do not concentrate on the finger or you will miss all of the heavenly glory!"

Visit to L.A.

2009-05-30T02:58:00.002+08:00

We took our first family roadtrip to LA a few weeks ago. We stayed at the Viceroy in Santa Monica, which also happened to be ground zero for the Gumball 3000 rally. Pulling into the hotel we were assailed by noise, race queens, exhaust fumes, television crews etc ... I was quite annoyed that they did not tell us about the car rally when booking the room.

On Sunday we stopped by a friend's house to say hello!

Pluvial silliness.

2009-05-29T14:58:00.008+08:00

A recent topic of conversation concerned the "Asian ladder." Admittedly, I have never heard of it explained this way. The argument is framed as such: Asian worth can be traded like currency by marrying a "preferred" Asian race. The rationale is intellectually lazy and dishonest and, frankly, racist in a Suzy Wong way. The notion of trading Asian status currency is silly. The ladder assumes a national inferiority complex mixed with Darwinian mumbo jumbo. I would not surprised if the ladder was a WASP invention, after all they are kooky.

I suspect my pigment challenged friend heard it from his moon-faced Korean friend (who's opinions are moot since she was adopted by an American family, is Suzy Wong and loathes her own race). As an aside, check out this shining example of an adopted Korean. Perhaps my friend heard it from his brother's fraternity brothers (his WHITE brother joined an ASIAN frat).

As you can tell from the picture above, my favorite guy disagrees with the notion of an Asian ladder. His thought bubble says it all.

Weekend redux

2009-05-27T04:06:00.003+08:00

1. 28 miles of running.
2. Fine-tuned the banana-apple ratio for my favorite guy.
3. Watched Terminator Salvation.

Our son's name

2009-05-20T07:24:00.006+08:00

Our neighbor quipped, "How clever! A pun! I do like puns." If our son decides not to run, that is fine. However, it would be killingly funny when they announced his name at a race.

P.S. He is wearing the family drinking hat. My youngest brother has been known to wear his hat at the bar.

My brother the comedian.

2009-05-15T14:29:00.015+08:00

Well, I'll have to say he looks like us in our baby photos. Big eyes,
inquisitive look, wondering why he's wearing jazzercize leg warmers,
wondering why there's a half-naked man behind him.

These days.

2009-05-14T16:06:00.013+08:00

First up is a picture of my good looking favorite guy. Since the picture, his hair has filled in. Renovations are finished, paint touch-ups are all that are needed. With everything more or less completed, it is time to baby proof the home.

This is the guest bathroom. I installed a paper towel dispenser, I hate washing hand towels.

3Form wall and door of the guest bathroom. In the evening, the entire hallway is bathed in green.

(find Bob Dylan in the photo)

Bookshelf with 3Form panels. Panel layout and color design by Leonora Chan. Mo's Rody is in the foreground!

The living space - Rug by Edward Barber and Jay Osgerby. Jay Osgerby is Theo's (of Leo and Theo fame) art school tutor. The color scheme of the rug ties the entire space together (note the use of the color singleton). The longitudinal pattern facilitates the cardinal axis of the space. The area is friendly and easy - the path of least resistance accesses each functional living unit. The implied functional space maintains the wash of natural light and preserves living space in a limited floor plan.

More Baby Feet!

2009-04-29T03:16:00.003+08:00

Picking up the slack for SFS and posting a picture of Mo. I vaguely recall chewing on my feet as a child.

Strange day at Chez Crewtonz

2009-04-07T13:31:00.003+08:00

This evening somebody slipped a book into my car. The car was parked in front of my house with the windows ajar. The book was one that I really wanted, I saw it when I visited the Design Museum on Shad Thames. I was able to leave the bookstore without buying said book since I have a rule about purchasing books while traveling. Instead, I would order it from Amazon when I returned home. Fast forward seven months and the book was on my car seat. There was no card accompanying the book, nor was there an inscription. I asked the wife about the book, she responded, "No, but I wish I had." I have no idea who could have given me such a fantastic gift. To whoever it was out there, "THANK YOU FOR THE BOOK, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!"

Strange indeed.

While I am here at it, another picture of Sebastian Good Vibes!

Quit harshin' my buzz.

2009-04-05T15:38:00.001+08:00

Dining alone can be a fab experience

2009-03-29T16:14:00.011+08:00

Today was lazy. Meandering around with my little pal today I hit the following points of interest - Chateau Harder (CR's abode), coffee with CR, the hospital and lunch with the wife, hanging out with my little pal at home listening to unreleased Velvet Underground thanks to CR.

At coffee an elderly lady stared intently at my little pal and proclaimed, "He is a master, I can tell. I can feel strong positive vibrations coming from him." She waved her hand around his stomach like he was a crystal ball. She asked for my little pal's name. She commented, "Sebastian is a strong name ... of course, what else would it be for a master." This is the second time an older white lady has made these types of pronouncements about my little pal. Do they know something I do not?

Over coffee, CR and I discussed various models of female worth. This is entirely irrelevant to me as I am happily married. His models were grounded in age specific cost-benefit analyses. My model consisted of a hole in the ground or a tree.

In the evening, the two of us (little pal and I) went to a local eatery in Carmel Valley. It is really nothing special, a family restaurant in a suburban strip mall setting.While waiting for a seat at the bar, I spotted the Realness of Carmel Valley. Imagine a 60 year old Asian man with a dense white shock of hip hair, the tightest ladies sloping v-neck shirt, the tightest pants known to mankind and a teddy bear. He sat alone at a table enjoying (to the n-th degree as n goes to infinity) his meal. Before each bite, he relinquished the morsel to his dining companion - the teddy bear. He was blissfully unaware of the stares he garnered

He shared a strong esemblance - facial, hair and body type wise - to CR's friend EA, if EA was a sixty year old flaming Asian male. He was the queen of Carmel Valley and for once I would not have minded being a royal subject. He was having the most fun in all of SD at that exact moment. Watching him made me re-consider the idea that dining alone in a bland suburban eatery could be a "fabuloso" experience (on the order of imbibing large quantities of high grade drugs). After paying his bill, he danced his way out the door. At birth, he likely danced his way right out the womb.

Who is this gentleman??? I need to know.

Assholes from the desert

2009-03-28T06:50:00.013+08:00

A closer analysis of Spring in San Diego reveals a transient abundance of Zonies. For those of you not in the know, "Zonie" as defined in the Urban Dictionary refers to -

Short of [sic] Arizonian, these people invade local beach towns in California during the summer causing traffic jams, and straight up annoying the population of the local town [sic].

i.e.,
Person #1: Damn zonies fucking invade San Diego every summer!
Person #2: Fuck i [sic] know! They need to get their own damn town!

*Note the gratuitous usage of the F word and syntactical violations, these are common in the English language as spoken with the San Diego vernacular.

This morning, my little pal and I almost died from one of these douchebags. Driving down the freeway I spied a lifted truck, with half-a-dozen unsecured long boards in the flatbed, merging onto the freeway. Because the boards were not strapped down, there was a high probability of them becoming hazardous to my little pal and I's health. As a responsible parent, I changed lanes from the slow lane to the adjacent one to avoid this truck. The truck merged onto the freeway 15 mph faster than is safe and proceeded to change another lane (the lane I was in) without shoulder checking or signaling. The boards jostled about and appeared about to become airborne. I quickly swerved out of my lane. Luckily there was no other cars in the adjacent lane, otherwise you would be reading about my little pal and I in the newspaper. I then noticed the truck had Arizona plates. I hope the people in that truck get stabbed in PB/OB/MB tonight (p>0.65).

Talking to CR after the incident, we hypothesized they likely surfed Scripps and were on their way back to their MB boardwalk house rental. So predictable ....

Absolute Beginners

2009-03-18T13:19:00.007+08:00

Summer is peaking her head at Chez Crewtonz, I missed her terribly this winter. Prior to her visit, Spring made a brief stop-over. With the company of my little pal, warm evening breezes and leafy green mysteries as seen through my bedroom window, I am re-reading one of my favourite novels - Absolute Beginners by Colin MacInnes. As a metaphor, my little pal is an absolute beginner - the emergent self in a new soul.

In other news, the renovations are coming to an end. The bookshelf was completed, the 3Form panels have been installed. The layout and color scheme came about during a late night conversation in Wapping with my English cousin. She came up with the brilliant idea of the color singleton! If you catch me in a whimsical mood (i.e., drunk), I'll explain the post post-modern idea behind the design scheme that links Francis Bacon, Peter Fowler and color-opponent processing in extrastriate visual cortex. The 3Form bathroom panels were installed today as well, I cannot wait to use the commode. I suppose the experience will be similar to defecating within a green jello shot.

Better photos to come. I need to ply CR with Boddingtons to entice him to take pictures. CR is my SD consultant for all things photography. There are a lot of phonies around, but CR is the realness.

Shit talking.

2009-03-07T14:18:00.005+08:00

Of note recently, I have been able to spend time with old acquaintances with and without my little pal. I am sure he is absorbing all the verbiage like a linguistic sponge.

Tonight over quite an enjoyable dinner at the Kensington, an individual in the dinner party ejaculated into the conversation the following inquiry, "Does he rape you during sex?" The other guest is of Chinese descent and is seeing a Japanese gentleman.

Another outing included said dining partner and one of my science colleagues. My colleague, who is the smartest scientist I am quite fortunate to have as a friend, made this astute observation, "If you are a giving a blow job to a dude, you are gay.. No questions about it." Imagine this statement coming from a mind whose IQ exceeds 200 easily .

I mentioned to the rape comment colleague the other day, "I distinctly remember forgetting that piece of information."

Makin' Time

2009-02-18T15:38:00.005+08:00

To counter the previous crass post, I have posted a baby picture (clothing by Marks and Spencer).

Due to a recent paucity of time for workouts, my recovery pace has increased from seven to eight mins/mile. Sigh ... The eight minute pace feels effortful, whereas last fall the same pace felt absolutely glacial. I need to pick a target race and start the training regime again.

Led Zeppelin has been on constant play at Chez Crewtonz. I have always opined that early Zeppelin borrowed liberally the vocal stylings of Steve Marriott from the Small Faces. Led Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love (1969) = Small Face's You Need Loving (1966) - listen to the middle eighth. It is rumored that Marriott was Page's first choice for the band. Other songs from the early Zeppelin catalog sound like The Pretty Things SF Sorrow lp.

I feel a little naked tonight

2009-02-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

Yo, guess who's back? I finally have something to write about...my ass! So that growth on my ass has not reduced in swelling for an entire week. It was especially painful today so I got myself to the doctor's office because I'm worried it's a cyst/boil and not a simple pimple.

So i whip my pants off in front of the doc the conversation was something like this:

Doc: Whoa, ok...ummm...let me lock the door first to give you some privacy.

Me: Don't worry about it. Really, I don't mind.

Doc: No no, I'll lock the door. Yup, it's kinda pusy, let me get a swab test, I'll be right back. Put your pants back on.

Me: No really, it's no problem.

Doc: Jesus, just get behind that curtain!!

So he gave me some antibiotics and topical cream to hopefully reduce the swelling. I just looked at it was more swollen and blue/black in color. Damn, I forgot to take a photo before putting the cream and a band-aid on.

Who wants to see this?

2009-01-31T08:18:00.001+08:00

Until LT comes up with blog gold, this blog has effectively become a baby picture blog.

How does it feel to feel.

2009-01-06T06:56:00.006+08:00

Sebastian's first Christmas came and went. To truly appreciate how mind blowing this is, imagine your greatest high. I can think of multiple times where I thought I would never come down (Cal Greek Theater, Pop Scene, Cream Rave, Vice party at the Pussy Cat Lounge, Amsterdam etc ...). Now multiply that by a hundred to get a sense of how it feels to feel.

Chiller than most

2008-10-21T05:54:00.002+08:00

Oh hi, it's Sebastian Goodvibes. The inventor of laughs, Fridays, perfect
nipples, finding money, and girlfriends that get along with everyone you
like.

The triumph of life

2008-10-14T06:25:00.003+08:00

Fate has a new driver - existentialism was solved 10/13/08 7:43 am.

Powder room

2008-10-10T02:53:00.014+08:00

Fall has been a busy season. Renovations and travels filled September. The wedding in East London was lovely, best wishes to my cousin and groom.

The imminent arrival of the bump has quickened the glacial pace of the powder room renovation. Prior, the room was unfriendly, garish, dark and ornate - fake patina, unnecessary bathroom accessories.

With new eyes, I reformulated the primary aims: 1) open the space with natural light; 2) simplify planes; 3) provide a light source to the adjacent hallway. This clarity is directly associated with the recent sojourn in my birth city.

Adding the sky light lessens the prior claustrophobia associated with the space. A simple and economical mirror light solution provides a pleasant glow (the dry wall is a mock-up of the mirror). The ceiling height was increased by seven inches by moving pipes.

The door jam detail is simplified by using Douglas Fir and aluminum "L" channel. The Douglas Fir door jam ties the powder room with the rest of the house. The "L" channel ($1.50/ft) provides a clean transition between wood, drywall and secret product.

"I GOT A BIG BAG OF WEED AND COLD CAN OF BEER!!!"

2008-08-15T02:47:00.004+08:00

RZL DZL lp.

This record makes me hungry. I love how the flipside is pizza crust.

Pretty much finished.

2008-08-07T03:24:00.007+08:00

Here are final pictures before I close the front door.

Picture 1 - Bamboo detail underneath kitchen counter. Initially there was Doug Fir on the vertical face. In the end I choose bamboo instead for a cleaner transition. Why introduce an unnecessary third material?

Pictures 2-3. The 3Form pieces have yet to arrive for the back light effect. In the mean time I found pieces of ABET in the attic to fill the spaces. Homepride Fred stands guard over my books. If you look closely you can see who taught me how to dress gazing into the kitchen.

Pictures 4-5. The upper and lower staircase. By using glass, the hand rail does not take away from the bamboo and Doug Fir details.

Sitting at home gives me an immense feeling of satisfaction. Good design is necessary for clean living under difficult circumstances.

Fight back to school.

2008-07-30T05:41:00.003+08:00

Renovations are nearing the end. I learned loads during the design and build. As well, I can compare our build to the neighbor's renovations and CR's preliminary designs.

Things I learned.

1. K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid) - Limiting the materials equals less transitions, transitions are difficult. My neighbor incorporated eight different materials in his kitchen. The kitchen resembles multiple kitchens simultaneously from different issues of Dwell Magazine - in other words, his kitchen is cluttered and confused.

2. Absence can be used to define space.

3. 50% of the total wattage in the kitchen must come from fluorescent light fixtures.

4. Cable rails are not code in SD county as off 2008 .

5. Good design does not mean spending tosh cash, nor does it mean using "fashionable" modern build accessories (i.e., cable rails, Zebra wood, Miller chairs). It is poor form to rely on these items to mimic good design.

6. Good form always follows function.

7. I need to keep my mouth shut when I look at other people's builds. They do not want to hear that their house looks like a Design Within Reach showroom. Most people who call themselves a designer are laughable. Chris's engineer friend calls herself an architect because she worked for a construction firm. Last time I checked, an architect is a certified professional. This is equivalent to saying, Chris is an gladiator because he watched an entire season of American Gladiator.

Small block pt 2.

2008-07-01T01:53:00.002+08:00

Big Drill Car is playing! They are playing a few reunion shows this summer. We have tickets for the first night in Huntington Beach (much thanks to Martin at Giant Robot)!!! BDC, ALL, Descendents and The Chemical People were my soundtrack to high school. The singer of BDC married a local girl, Penny Swanson. They got divorced years later. She returned to Edmonton and opened Cafe Mosaics on Whyte Ave. During dates in high school I went to Cafe Mosaics often, it was the "alternative" place to be.

The rest of the bookshelf and countertop were installed. I saw Gustavo this morning. He has little things to adjust still.

Small block

2008-06-25T02:43:00.004+08:00

Gustavo and his crew are half-way done with the bookcase install. The floating shelves and counter-top are next to be installed. We still need to choose the plastic for the back of the bookcase.

While unpacking kitchen items I came across a pencil holder my old office mate made for the wife. It was fabricated from a solid block of stainless steel with 15 holes drilled into it. Apparently it took 40 minutes for each hole to be drilled. The block goes well with the cabinets.

Turf Fight Club

2008-06-22T16:01:00.004+08:00

The same guy fucked me twice tonight at the Turf Club. First instance was him fucking with our food at the grill. Second instance he kept on elbowing the pregnant wifey. Both times I told him to fuck off. Both times he complained to his girlfriend about me. The second time I yelled at him extra and flipped off the girlfriend. Darren and I were ready to fight. I hate dudes who wear untucked vertical striped shirts, him and his friends were squishy Gaslamp dudes. Of course the odds of victory would have been better if Chris actually showed up like he was supposed to with Erik. My better half deescalated the second confrontation.

Fucking Chris. Way to be a stand-up guy.

Seminar

2008-06-17T07:48:00.005+08:00

Seminar this morning.

It was good.

Here are observations.

1. Attention, adaptation and orienting response are intertwined - Adaptation is highly underrated.

2. Prof. X and Y have aged tremendously since I saw them present their model at CNS '98. Fast forward ten years, they are fine tuning the original '98 model. They do it very well. Sitting in seminar I realized that I do not want to be doing basic research in the twilight of life. The talk was disheartening on a personal level, but theoretically rich in the sciences.

3. While walking past the spectators on their way to the US Open, I realized that no one in the outside world cares about science. I could hear the cheers from a mile way accompanying each hole Tiger Woods sank. People did not cheer when Prof X's model predicted performance across differing luminance levels.

Sigh ....

Kitchen completed ... more or less.

2008-06-10T01:29:00.006+08:00

The kitchen is basically done. We are happy with the way it turned out. I need to buy two more light fixtures for the short cable run above the sink, mend dings and remove the protective plywood layer off the finished bamboo floor. We still need to run bamboo up the vertical face of the sink counter.

Points of interest:
1. The big metal disc on the wall is a transformer for one of the cable runs. I am unhappy with the protruding transformer. The woman who helped us with the system is a certified idiot. In the end I called Tek Lighting directly for help.

2. We chose Caesar stone for the back splash, we wanted the material to read such that it is continuous from the floor to the counter and up the wall. Moreover, by not using tile we minimized grout lines which in turn makes cleaning a breeze.

3. Roberto is a complete cock sucker. I made him come on a Saturday to remove the panels so that he could refinish them. I pointed out that the finish was blemished and too heavy (likely due to a dirty spray nozzle). He told me that he did not have a clean room to spray panels and that the average person would find this acceptable. I stated that our stairs were finished on-site and the finish was far superior. Moreover, Jen told him that it was irrelevant what the average person thinks. He reluctantly resprayed them all. They turned out nice in the end. Just to be an asshole, I casually let it drop to Roberto that the craftsman who finished the stairs did not have an advanced degree from CMU. I am sure that really pissed him off.

4. I also wanted the cut-out on the far end of the cabinets. That cock sucker tried not to do it. He called me several times to whine about it (i.e, "I have a MFA from CMU and that just looks wrong"; "This is your last chance, are you sure you want this?"). I am happy I stuck to the original idea. I really like how the cut out breaks up the cabinet. I can confidently not recommend Roberto to anyone, he has a serious chip on his shoulder.

Certified Idiots

2008-05-30T02:45:00.010+08:00

A) FUCK YEAH! I agree with the central thesis.

B) Last night, I called out a neighbor for being a certified idiot. My friends Ian and Heather are visiting, they happen to be of the darker persuasion. We decided to sit in the hot tub after running. While attending to the dog I overheard a lady ask them, "From your behaviour, it looks like you two don't live here." An educated person will quickly recognize that this is passive racism. What types of behavior would would one exhibit to live in my neighborhood? Or conversely, it was not like Ian and Heather were stealing hub caps or gardening.

I walked over and laid into her, "That's really rude and fucked up of you."

She replied tersely, "Do you live here? What unit? I've never seen you before."

I replied with my unit number and street. I asked her where she lived. She only gave me her unit number. I pressed her on what street she lives on. I recognized her street and dropped the Del Mar bomb.

"Oh, you live on this side of the street, we live on the other side."

I let the statement hang uncomfortably between us. She apologized for her fucked up behavior.

That was the end of the conversation. My complex is divided in half: one half lives on the bluff overlooking the ocean while the other half lives close to a noisy road (and likely rent instead of own). The price differential between the two halves is substantial. We live on the bluff side.

I hate to floss, but it was appropriate in this context.

I wanted to ask if she rented or owned, I'll ask next time.

PS. It must be tough to live with four sets of tits. What a fat fuck.

Lights

2008-05-29T04:58:00.003+08:00

Lights and switches were installed this week. Jim made the call to the A-Team to install the electrical. Steven and Alfredo were unsuccessful earlier in the week with the electrical. However, Alfredo was successful in destroying the dry wall while attempting to install the dining room light. Watching them was frustrating, they had no clue how expensive the fixtures were. The A-Team consisted of a senior electrician with a bad head cold and an assistant, an Ivy League educated lawyer. The assistant struck me as a little odd, his hands were extremely soft. I got it out of him that he had switched careers less than a year ago. In the end, the A-Team installed the dimmers, chandelier and dining room light.

Roberto, the over qualified carpenter with a MFA from Carnegie Mellon, is installing cabinetry tomorrow. He is another guy I cannot figure out.

The architect sent an invoice for his visit two weeks ago. He invited himself over to check the progress and billed me for it. How do you like them apples?

Random shit.

2008-05-17T05:32:00.008+08:00

The sights and smells of life (Mong Kok, HK).

I love the city (Mong Kok, HK).

Stanley Market boardwalk (Stanley Market, HK).

Tugboat (HK from Kowloon).

Year of the Rat.

Too cool for school (Goldfish Market, HK).

My favourite Honky (Stanley Market, HK).

Look familiar (private residence, Kowloon Station, HK)?

Rhine Valley Yogi Bear (St. Goar, Rhine Valley).

One of those rare mornings.

2008-05-16T01:56:00.013+08:00

A lot has happened in the last little while. For starters, we have a new member on the architectural review committee. We are expecting the arrival of a little one this fall to join our kooky family. The new member demanded that changes be made to accommodate his/her fussy needs before s/he takes residence at our abode.

The architect and I are best friends again. He stopped by yesterday to check the progress and revise some details. I said I would have to think about the changes. He replied half-jokingly, "You don't need to think, just agree! I'm here now!" He is a funny guy. His latest project is on the cover of some architectural digest journal. He must be feeling pretty good about himself these days.

I woke up this morning feeling relaxed and settled about the design changes. For me, waking up at ease is a low probability event. There were some details I was never entirely convinced, however with the revisions everything comes together. Simplifying the design facilitated the transition between living areas and building materials.

Enough jibba jabba, here are the pictures.

In the kitchen, we are going to use the orange stone on the back splash. By eliminating tile, we eliminate introducing an extra material that would have required an awkward transition with the dry wall and counter top (This would have required the introduction of yet another material, likely a Fry Reglet product. You can see the reglet to the left of the countertop leaning against the wall.). We are also running the bamboo up the vertical face of the counter to provide symmetry.

Here is the handrail in progress. We are not using cable rail anymore since little people have a tendency to use them as ladders. Plus, I personally feel that cable rails are overused and are a lazy solution to provide a "modernist flair" to an otherwise uninspired drab build. We are doing something different to preserve the openness of the stair case. Stay tuned ...

This is the serpentine trim detail from the bottom staircase. I found out this is not typically done, you either love it or hate it. We repeated this detail on the other side of the staircase that runs along the drywall. Some members of my family probably recognize this detail.

Heidi, Esq.

2008-04-15T03:35:00.003+08:00

I can add a couple of letters after my name now. I'm done law school.

Goddamn I Hate Studying

2008-04-13T02:01:00.004+08:00

Canadian income tax law sucks more than finding out that WWF wrestling is fake.

source

Orange rhyming dictionary

2008-04-02T11:06:00.004+08:00

The counter top company came by today. They installed half of the counter top. The other half of the slab was off by 1/16 " on one of the corners. It is a very slight difference at the corner, but this difference grows non-linearly away from it. As a result, the reveal distances with the other slab is entirely thrown off. It is subtle, but I am sure it would drive me crazy over time.

They are taking the piece back to the workshop to correct. If you look closely at the waterfall detail, you can see that we used a mitered joint. As a result, the slab appears to flow uninterrupted towards the floor. I am happy we choose orange, it certainly does brighten and warm the space. If Alfredo dings the counter, like he did with the cabinet door, I will certainly punch his lights out. He starts to fidget when I am around, I wonder if I make him nervous.

Moribund week

2008-03-28T01:58:00.007+08:00

The build is creeping along at a snail's pace due to the serial nature of the renovation at this point. Each sub-contractor creates a bottleneck for the next sub. Unfortunately, due to the nature of each item there is minimal slack in the schedule. The only slack created is waiting for the bamboo to season.

The stairs were installed this week. Larry and Sally did a fantastic job with the grain selection and matching. Each tread is composed of nine separate pieces of Douglas Fir. It took five days and 60 clamps to glue the treads. It is unfinished at this stage, Matt the floor person will be applying the stain. Matt loves finishing and constructing staircases. It is reassuring to meet people that are passionate about staircases, I'll never have to worry about them collapsing.

Matt's assistant Donny dropped off the bamboo this morning to acclimate to the seaside humidity. I am glad we hired Matt and Donny. Donny weighs 150 lbs, the other flooring company wanted to use a 300 lb guy. This maybe workplace discrimination, but I do not want to empirically determine the mechanical failure threshold of Douglas Fir. In addition, I would likely be sued because my staircase discriminates against morbidly obese people.

Here is the 2x4 that supported the temporary staircase. I cannot believe that single post propped the entire load. Go figure, vectors are amazing!

In other news, the winter was tough on my San Diego friends (i.e., life not turning out like they expected or wanted). Hopefully, the spring weather will wash away their winter blues. Someone must of swapped my regular contacts for rose colored ones.

Up next is the counter top, cable rails and cabinets Mk 2.

Happy Birthday

2008-03-22T07:02:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday to SFS. Wish I could watch J and Little Thingies give you a wedgie and a wet willy.

She smells like fish!

2008-03-17T22:48:00.002+08:00

Check out Jeff's new fish tank:

It's a monstrous 50L tank with real plants and stuff. It's still a work in progress, but it's massive. Still waiting to put fish and shrimp in that thing.

Divorce #2

2008-03-15T02:23:00.011+08:00

I received a terse e-mail from the architect -

W, this is not the first time you have said this, so lets not do it, just do the panels...without the back lights, S

In an earlier e-mail I voiced concerns about the lighting optics for the bookshelf design. I did not expect such a response. I imagine this is the end of our working relationship. My perception is that architects tend to be overly sensitive and that their designs are not open to discussion. Of course this is a gross over generalization but anyone want to debate this with me? I find the same sort of attitude in my line of work. People tend to be overly protective of their theories or models even in the face of conflicting data. On the other hand, I orphan all my papers and ideas. If someone wants to take shots at them, then by all means. Except know that I'll likely be refereeing your paper next time asshole.

Moving on, here are pictures of the installed cabinets. The cabinet construction was select vertical grain Doug Fir, Maple interior, full overlay slab, eased edge, no trim, Blume and Haefle hardware. I could lose myself for hours in the Haefle catalog. Imagine a telephone sized catalog of just hardware. The drawer inserts were all Haefle. Note the new storage space underneath the stairs. I intend to put our children in there when they act up. The best part of the storage space is the trap door to the crawlspace. I suppose our kids could imagine all sorts of unpleasant things coming up from underneath the trap door. These fears of course will be compounded since it will be pitch black during the time out.

This is the tread sample. In the end we went with an eased edge instead of the half round. Brazilian Cherry Wood will be applied on the leading edge of the tread, this is to minimize wear on the leading edge. I wanted a steel strip, the contractor and stair craftsman talked me out of the steel detail, they said it would be uncomfortable for bare and socked feet.

PS. To all my neighbors who doubted our design, renovations and my abilities to manage - You can go FUCK YOURSELVES.

Cabinets being installed.

2008-03-13T01:38:00.007+08:00

The cabinet and assorted bits arrived yesterday. They installed part of the kitchen yesterday, today they are finishing the install. They will come back to install the hardware. We need to decide and order 21 pieces of door pull hardware. At $20/pull, that is not chump change.

Looking at the cabinets makes me so happy that Chad did not build our kitchen. Chad tried to bid the kitchen build. Chad is a fuck-nut amateur. The dovetail on each drawer is a thing of beauty - the joint is completely tight. The cabinet person was able to fix the misaligned doors with minimal interruption of the grain pattern.

Stairs are to be installed Monday/Tuesday. The flooring arrives next week and will "season" for a few days. Carmelo is hard at work finishing the painting. We met with the new carpenter yesterday. Jim's initial impression of him was, "bold," while I viewed him as eccentric and quirky. I imagine this may comes with the territory when the carpenter is a MFA graduate from the Carnegie-Mellon's industrial design program with a minor in sculpture.

Wood-work, doors and staircase handrail details are still being worked out. Other then that, things are moving along. I am getting tired of cooking and eating in the kitchen. I am sure the neighbors are tired of seeing me in my underwear eating breakfast.

Just for a Day

2008-03-11T07:22:00.008+08:00

A quick update:

1) My loaner car is a 2008 SUV, I felt like a Southern Californian just for a day. Immediately, I had this overwhelming desire to vote Republican, shop at Wal-Mart, eat McDonald's, wear flip-flops and a trucker hat, drink Starbuck's coffee and be a fucking dirt-bag rat bastard.

2) House update - Carmelo has been showing up at 6 am every day much to my better half's chagrin. He typically sits quietly for an hour before starting the day's work. Today, Luis helped Carmelo paint. This Luis is different from Big and Little Luis, who applied the dry wall. Carmelo's car is broken so he gets dropped off every morning. Poor guy he has to deal with wifey's ire at the start of his work day. The walls are primed and ready to be painted. The floor has been prepared for the bamboo flooring. Cabinets to be installed tomorrow. I received the staircase tread sample, we are going over final edge details. Slowly getting there. I did manage to effectively let go the carpenter. I meet the new one tomorrow. I was told last week that there is typically one divorce during the build - the spouse, contractor or architect. For me, it was the carpenter.

3) We drove to the desert to look at the wild flowers. Note to self, I hate the fucking desert.

Snow Daze

2008-03-07T12:06:00.003+08:00

A massive storm is expected to hit K-Hole this weekend with 30cm (11.8 inches for the imperial system users) of the white stuff. I prepared by securing a covered parking spot for my car and stocking up on milk. I'll have lots to do inside my apartment since I need to research and write my ALR essay.

In other news, I'm currently obsessed with kimchi and jPod, both the book and tv show. I was curious the other day and added kimchi to my canned vegetable soup. I've found my new comfort food. I'm going to go to the Asian market tomorrow to stock up on kimchi for the weekend. I also need to buy more scented candles since heated kimchi is a pungent mofo.

Snowing in the house.

2008-02-28T06:19:00.008+08:00

Fig 1 - Tuesday night after work I was greeted with this sight - Christmas wonderland!

Fig 2. Wednesday evening I came home to this.

The last few days have been awful, the house was covered in a layer of fine white dust. Big and Little Luis sanded the mud for a tight and smooth museum finish. The walls look much better now, previously the walls and ceiling had a horrible texture application.

Fig 3. The rickety staircase is still up, the new one has not arrived yet.

The appliances arrived today, the build is moving quickly ahead. Even the kitchen cabinet fuck-up is being fixed (it was my fuck-up, I need to proof plans more carefully in the future). I must admit, our contractor is a great guy. His easy temperament, professionalism, good sense of design and ability to give me the bottom line has made this re-model relatively painless. He never goes into specifics unless I ask for them. All I need to know is if it can be done and the costs involved.

Fig 4. The kitchen has been put back together - the lid, electrical, plumbing, pony wall, ventilation.

In addition, Steven and his extended family are fantastic carpenters, plumbers, electrician, HVAC and drywallers. Another telling sign is the bathroom, they always clean up after themselves. Other contractors (i.e., Chad) make a mess in there (missing the toilet, pouring plastering mud down the toilet etc ...).

Fig 5. The appliances in the garage.

Kitchen Cabinets

2008-02-26T02:44:00.011+08:00

I ventured to East County this morning to look at the cabinets. I had my doubts after seeing the sample last week, I was going to have a do-over and choose the skins myself. My concerns about the wood grain were allayed when I saw the mock-up. The wood grains were still too far apart, but seeing the doors together facilitated the grouping of the grains so that they appeared cohesive and thinner (those Gestaltist were onto something I suppose). Once the header and toe kicks are installed it will look clean and tight, sort of like my ass. My only concern is the finish. I want a more natural low sheen finish, I do not want a glossy finish. The last thing I want is for it to look like an Ikea showroom piece. or worse yet the typical North American kitchen (read: ugly as fuck and expensive to boot).

The corner unit is pretty cool. We chose to go with a unit that utilizes the hard to reach corner space. I hope the mechanism can withstand the wife's gorilla hands, she is tough on hardware.

As far as the house, nothing new to report. They are sanding and priming this week. The pictures are pretty boring so I'll spare you the photos of giant dust clouds and piles of white particulate.

The feeling one gets ... FUCK YEAH!

2008-02-23T07:50:00.003+08:00

The feeling one gets when they finish a project at work is one of the best, especially when it is a Matlab application. Matlab is especially painful for me as I write line-by-line pseudo code, this makes debugging really, really shitty (ask LT, he loves rewriting other's line-by-line code). The program took three months to write and it finally works! FUCK YEAH! My laziness was the impetus for the present program. I abhor running three hour experiments, it is such a waste of a day when I could be outside instead. With the new program I can, hopefully, collect all the data I need in 20 minutes. I am crossing my fingers that this works, sometimes reality does not quite follow the scribblings in my lab note book.

What a great way to start off the weekend! FUCK YEAH!

Fast forward two weeks ...

2008-02-21T03:58:00.009+08:00

The wife and I came back from vacation last Friday. Coming back home has been a downer - house is completely destroyed; missing the family; surrounded by bumpkins; sleep deprivation; jet lag; work; cabinet guy fucking up ...

It was a pleasant surprise yesterday evening to find a package in the mail. The package was from TC5 (no relation to TC3 of Quiksand and Rival Schools fame), who I hired as a research assistant at Duke. We have remained in contact since then, we typically quarrel about music, the Velvet Underground, Decemberists and Oasis. The package contained a piece of art she commissioned of us - the wife, Lex and me. The picture is quite appropriate and typical of the going-ons in our household (i.e., chasing and wresting Lex with noogies and headlocks). In the picture Jen appears to be a citizen of the planet Kamino while I look beefy, like Henry Rollings my neck is the same size as my head. This is a gift we will treasure. I have even picked a location in the house for this piece, right at the top of the staircase underneath the new Artemides eye ball light. Alas this will have to wait until the renovations are completed. Now onto house renovations ...

Since we left on our trip, Steven and his crew have been very busy. All the demolition, framing, plumbing and electrical is completed. Drywall is being completed this week. We are awaiting for the new staircase and cabinets to arrive. In the meantime, they have completely dissembled the old staircase. Nothing is supporting the staircase except for a 2x4 and gravity. It is amazing how vectors can work to your advantage every now and then. They usually work against me, especially during surfing and skateboarding. They removed the handrail and shifted it over to repair the drywall. The dog is nervous about this new staircase set-up. The pantry underneath the stairs has also been completed. We discovered a built in vacuum system in there that we had removed. I plan to use the pantry as a bedroom for the kids sort of like Harry Potter.

Here is a photo of the lower staircase.

The kitchen ceiling was torn out and pushed up 4 inches. The plumbing and electrical were redone completely. The previous contractors, Chad and his dad were careless. Just today Luis had to fix a pipe with nail shot through it. The surrounding dry wall was damaged from the moisture leakage. Chad, that dumb fuck, was not careful when he installed the crown molding in the ceiling. I am surprised the place did not burn down when Chad added eight 60 Volt lights to the 320 Volt transformer. Other things done but not pictured were pushing the dining room wall 4 inches, removing all the crown molding, re-applying dry wall and plaster, removing all molding and applying returns instead and destroying the Pony wall.

Day two - Gates of hell

2008-01-25T02:37:00.001+08:00

In addition to the giant vagina in our house, Steven has managed to open the gates of hell. During the course of opening up the pantry, we discovered a previously unknown trap door that leads to the crawlspace. This might have explain the temperature difference between the kitchen and pantry. If you listen closely at night you can hear whispering emanating from the hole. Lex saw a pair of red eyes peering out from the crawlspace (at least that is what she told me).

They also tore down the drywall for the ceiling and the divider. Holy shit.

Close up of the previous renovation work. Looks like Chad ran out of dry wall and instead used a piece of flooring to cement the back splash too. Nice work Chad.

The kitchen looks like a bomb went off.

Another close up of the trap door and the crawlspace. The other hole is underneath the staircase. We plan to re-frame underneath the staircase for a series of drawers that follow the profile of the staircase.

Carnage.

End of Day 1 - A giant orifice in the house.

2008-01-24T03:07:00.000+08:00

Figure 1

Figure 2

Figure 3

Figure 4

Figure 5

Figure 6

Figure 7

Figure 8

I came home to an empty kitchen and a giant vagina separating the living and dining room. Stephen and his merry crew erected a safe room using plastic sheeting. To get into the safe room, they installed a giant red zipper for an entry (Fig 1 & 8). Figure 2 is of the wifey stepping into the giant vagina - I suppose this could be read as something Freudian, but at this point I am at a loss for words. Figures 3-7 are what is left of the kitchen. If you look closely in figure 6, you can see a piece of flooring used to brace the drywall. I know for a fact that this was done by Chad, the contractor we used for the garage. Chad is quite a ~~lazy~~ resourceful fellow.

We met the original owner of the house who installed the green marble counter top. He went on and on how expensive the imported Italian marble was. During his monologue, my internal monologue was thinking that green marble reminds me of tombstones and other structures associated with the dead. When we told him our plans to renovate, he got upset and agitated. He took it as a personal insult that we were removing the counter top. I suppose he is right at some level - I think his aesthetics are questionable.

Here we go ...

2008-01-23T08:43:00.001+08:00

The crew showed up this afternoon for day one of the renovations. We spent yesterday evening moving the kitchen and dining room to the living room. Phase one will consist of demolition of the kitchen, staircase and dining room. Here are pictures of the old kitchen. The cabinets are the original ones from 1974 with new faces. They are moldy and warped inside. The clearance between the counter and the cabinets is 14". They should be 18", hence the knocked over wine bottles when the cabinets are open. The light source used to be a fluorescent light box that was replaced with an ugly soffit. We are going to push the ceiling up to gain 4 inches . Also, check out the light fixture, it is made of some sort of plastic. The green counter top will also be leaving us. Check out the direction of the wood floor in the dining room. The previous owners were going for a different look I suppose. I am not sure what look it was though because it looks like turtle diarrhea to me.

FUCK YEAH!

2008-01-22T09:03:00.000+08:00

Me - 13.1 miles - 1:31:42. That is 4:20 per kilometer or 7 minutes per mile.

My better Half - 26.3 miles - 4:43:51. 10:50 per mile.

Next goal is to run a 1:25 and be sub 18 min for 5K.

Verbatim

2008-01-21T06:00:00.002+08:00

Commenting about a hateful classmate that just came back from an exchange in South Africa:

Friend: She gained weight over the summer but didn't lose it last semester. If you can't lose weight in Africa, where can you lose weight?

Oh fuck ...

2008-01-19T08:33:00.000+08:00

Two days until race day.
Three days until D-day (Demolition day).
Nothing has been moved in the house.
FUCK!

Karma or an Exercise in Conspicous Consumption?

2008-01-18T07:25:00.000+08:00

I lost my scarf and Burberry earmuffs earlier this afternoon. I had them stashed in my knapsack but the bag wasn't zipped closed so the cute and fuzzy earmuffs were in plain view. I suspect that someone helped themselves to my belongings while I wasn't paying attention. I'm pretty careful with my belongings and I always tuck my scarf into my bag since I don't like to carry it with me or loop it around my bag. It would be odd for me to misplace both my scarf and earmuffs.

At first I was bummed out about it, I'd grown very attached to the earmuffs. Since I subscribe to the idea of karma, do good things and good things will happen to you, I wondered if I was being punished for an earlier misdeed. And then I remembered what had happened earlier this week.

Two summers ago I was living in Toronto with two friends. One of my friends is the former roommate of my ex-boyfriend, let's call him Nelly. Nelly had left some of his belongings at the house, including one baking pan in the shape of a sand castle. At the time, I wanted a memento of Nelly so I asked him if I could keep the baking pan. I brought it back with me to Kingston and looked at it from time to time with great fondness. SFS snapped me out of that crazy shit. In one of my rage-fueled benders, I threw out everything that reminded me of Nelly. Gifts, cards, notes, baking pans in the shape of sand castles.

Earlier this week I got a message from Nelly asking me: a) if we were on speaking terms. b) if I had the baking pan, and c) if I did, could I return it to my friend's house, in Toronto. I deleted that shit and have no intention to talk to him.

To wit, in karma's eyes, a pair of Burberry earmuffs is equal to one baking pan shaped like a sand castle, thrown out in spite, and an ignored message that signals that I am still not on speaking terms with my hateful ex-boyfriend.

My response: It was worth it. Best money I ever spent.

Free Corey!

Update: Earmuffs and scarf have been located!

My friend, IFL, found both of them just sitting on a library table. Hooray!

Me: [picking up phone] Hello?

IFL: Black scarf? Burberry earmuffs?

Me: GASP! Did you find them?

IFL: Yeah! They were just sitting on the first table in the librar-

Me: I LOVE YOU! On Valentine's Day, I will be your valentine!

One hundred push-ups

2008-01-18T04:50:00.000+08:00

I am in a competition with the sys admin at work to bust out a hundred push-ups. As part of my running I do a set of 50 in the morning and a set of 50 before bedtime. I don't know if I can do a hundred, a hundred is a fuck load.

We need to come up with some sort of humiliation for the loser.

All suggestions welcome.

Free Corey!

2008-01-17T05:13:00.000+08:00

He has 6 minutes left on the clock.

Apparently You Do Have to Say Sorry

2008-01-17T03:15:00.001+08:00

Corey the party kid got arrested. DListed put it best:

Corey Delaney is the douche teenager I posted about yesterday who threw "the best party ever." Well, looks like Corey's party is over. The 16-year-old was arrested this morning in Australia. The charges? Australian newspapers are reporting that he's been charged with producing child pornography and creating a public nuisance.

Looks like idiot Corey left the tapes behind and his parents and police found them. Corey was on the run from his parents after news of the party broke. He was reportedly questioned and then released to return next month to court.

He's just as dumb as I thought he was. Corey's going to need his famous sunglasses when he's in jail. He's going to need them to hide the tears while he's getting gang banged. Oh Corey! Why do you have to be so dumb?

Being cool means never having to say sorry.

2008-01-16T08:10:00.000+08:00

This kid is hilarious, he basically does what every kid does to the n-th degree. His parents leave town and he throws a party that is raided by the police. A riot breaks out and he is fined $20,000. He is unrepentant about the party. Watch the youtube clip, the smug interviewer is made to look like an ass at the end. As put in the news, "she got steamrolled." Win one for the good guys.

Classic lines from the clip:

Interviewer: Take off those glasses.
Kid: I'll say sorry but I'm not taking off the glasses.
Interviewer: Why not?
Kid: Cuz they're famous ...

Interviewer: What would you say to other kids who's parents are out of town?
Kid: Get me to do it for you.

Interviewer: "Go away and take a good long hard look at yourself."
Kid: "I have, everyone has and they love it."

My life thus far...

2008-01-14T21:56:00.001+08:00

It's been a while since I've posted an entry on here. Ever since they blocked all blogs and forums at work, I feel a little shaky. It's hard to vent my passive aggressive frustrations when I'm unable to do so on the spot.

Recent memories include going to a Linkin Park concert. Shuttup, i know i know. I figured it's been a long time since I've been to any concert that i might as well check these guys out. Well what can i say? They suck even more live. My god do they suck. 4 pints of beer didn't even make them seem cooler.

I got a new LED clock the other day. Totally awesome, it comes in 3 blocks (one each for hour, minute, and second) and is bright enough to light my house up with a heavenly glow.

For new years, i made it a point NOT to have any plans this year. Man was it awesome. Just go where ever the hell I want with no schedule to follow. We cooked an awesome dinner at home, then trekked over to Joanne's house which had an awesome view of Central. I managed to take some photos of the fireworks and they mostly turned out ok.

Then I went over to a friend's house for a little poker where i proceeded to win beer money. We finally made our way to Lan Kwai Fong at 2am because I wanted to see the morons out in full-force. As expected, the stupidity of people didn't let me down. Drunken fools were trying to open up taxi (in short supply that night) doors while the car was moving at FULL SPEED. I had my camera ready to capture any splatter, but unfortunately there were none.

How did everybody else's new years go?

Art in the mail

2008-01-12T06:53:00.000+08:00

I recently got two prints in the mail - limited edition 12 color silkscreens. I cannot wait to framed them for the staircase. I wonder what guests will think.

I've met cats and dogs smarter than Corey and Trevor.

2008-01-10T06:11:00.000+08:00

A new year is upon us. This blog has been quiet of late. Well let me tell you what I have been up to and of upcoming items of interest.

My office neighbor is a visiting professor from Canada. He introduced me to two fine Canadian programs that are sponsored by the NFB - Trailer Park Boys and Kenny vs Spenny. TPB makes me miss Canada, there is something to be said about Canadian rednecks. They seem less threatening than their American counterparts. The ones in Canada smoke pot, listen to Rush, drink Molson, watch hockey etc ... these are all things that I do too! The ones here will shoot you with their guns or fuck you in the ass Deliverance style. I grew up in the middle of a hick province, I saw dudes like this hanging out at Heritage Mall in their IROCs or kicking the shit out of people at Harry Ainlay.

Our high school only had a few of these guys, one guy that comes to mind is Ken Vine. However, Ken was a small fry, he was the redneck at a nerd school. How hard could one be attending OSA? Our harmless pranks consisted of spraying the outside of the school in mustard and ketchup, stink bombs, destroying the curtains, stealing exams etc... I recall him hopping off a ladder in the auditorium and on to the handle of a vacuum. The vacuum handle ripped his jeans and nearly ripped him a new asshole. He had to get stitches, the joke at the time was, "Ken tried to get an asshole transplant, but the asshole rejected him. "

Anyways, our home renovations start soon. I will be posting pictures of the progress these upcoming months.

First two photos of my fine city courtesy of LT. The third one is of my favorite pal.

PS. Remind me to tell you stories about the janitor from our high school. He was the high priest of a local coven of witches and warlocks. Eugene P. could fuck you up big time.

Guitar Hero

2007-11-21T07:27:00.001+08:00

Did you watch last week's South Park episode? Can't you just imagine Little Thingies and SFS doing this every day in HK? Watch the YouTube clip.

source

FIRE

2007-10-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

Fire broke out yesterday morning east of us. We had desert winds this weekend which did not help - hot, gusty and dry. The air is hard to breathe and ash falls. The sunset last night was spectacular. Today the campus is closed. My friend Connie is evacuating and I am busy looking for documents that I need to keep with me. What to do with the dog? After packing I should see if I can catch a matinee showing.

Spiderman

2007-09-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

Holy crap, people! Last night I discovered an enormous spiderweb at the front entrance of my apartment. Words can't adequately describe the size of the web. I'd say it was roughly the size of a basketball. Really! It was even spherical in shape since there were multiple webs to lend it a 3-D quality. It was hard to see in the daylight but last night it was perfectly lit up and I could see that it was home to four huge spiders!

You can see the size of the spiders in the first picture. And the second picture is fuzzy but you can see the size of the web and the amount of insects caught in it.

Thinking Out Loud

2007-09-22T07:00:00.000+08:00

I'm debating whether or not to funnel my obsession with pop. culture through a more useful (at least for me) conduit. I'm thinking of doing my Advanced Torts term paper on whether celebrities deserve more or less protection in terms of privacy law when dealing with the paparazzi. I think it's the only way to sustain my interest for a 30-page paper. The prof is open and easy-going and wouldn't care if I did this topic or "abolishing jury trials in Canadian civil litigation".

Do you think I'd be allowed to add screenshots from Perez Hilton in there?

And I'm adding the SD turtle picture in this post as well since it's too fantastic not to post. C'mon, it's funny!

Good-bye summer, hello fall ...

2007-09-19T05:25:00.001+08:00

For reasons to numerous to list, it has been a pretty dope summer. Family and friends dropped by, running and surfing, various running races and good food really made it something special. I was especially happy with my family visiting. It was nice to have everyone over and hanging out at our place - shit talking, drinking, arm wrestling, Guitar Hero all ensued. I am also stoked CS and CR got to be part of this too! Thanks to all for coming to our shin dig and hope to see you all next year in Hawaii.
Publish Post

Roll Call!

2007-09-04T13:04:00.000+08:00

Currently present for the festivities:

Heidi
SFS
Chix with Knives
J
Cherry
Peter

Still awaiting:

LT
Hawaiian Five-0
British N
A-Guy
PY
A-Gien

Hells yeah, this weekend is going to be ridiculous!

No homo ...

2007-08-23T03:48:00.001+08:00

Franz: Hello! We're back!

Hans: I am Hans.

Franz: And I am Franz.

Together: And we just want to.. [ clap ] Pump.. you up!

Hans: Alright. But before we can pump you up tonight, we have to answer a piece of viewer mail.

Franz: Ya. Ya. This is a letter we received from a Bill Tompkins. I'll only read an excerpt, so I don't go into his loser details. "Dear Hans & Franz: I have recently seen your.. mo-.. mo-"

Hans: Moronic.

Franz: "..Your moronic show, and have wondered why you don't open your own gym. Maybe you are too stupid." [ crumples letter ] You know, maybe you thought this letter would make us angry; but it only makes us sad.

Hans: Really, ya. We are sad, you know, because anyone who calls us "stupid" is really just jealous. Because their girlfriend looks at us, then looks at him, and realzies she's cuddling up with a little girly-man!

Franz: Ya. Ya, girly-man. Hear me now and believe me later - but don't think about it ever, because, if you try to think, you might cause a flabulance!

Hans: Ya!

Dining as sport ....

2007-08-22T01:54:00.000+08:00

My numero uno pale pal here in SD was feeling pretty great on Sunday. Why you may ask? He ate 30 gyozas (known as Jiaozi to us more refined folks). I was underwhelmed, I have seen my younger brother inhale plates. There may have to be eating portion added to the Battle Royale this fall. The events will be as follows - running, swimming, arm wrestling and gluttony. Who's in?
(source)

2007-08-14T07:55:00.001+08:00

Blog Mischief

2007-08-14T05:49:00.001+08:00

Office Mischief...

2007-08-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

So 7-11 here is always giving out free trinkets with purchases. People love collecting this stuff. A while back, they were giving out little paper, cut out dogs. This girl at the office managed to get the whole set and line them all up above her desk at the office. Those dogs were looking too cute, so I had to do something about it:

Happy Birthday, Sock Monkey #3

2007-08-11T05:57:00.000+08:00

source

Memento

2007-08-03T09:49:00.000+08:00

I went to Wonderland on the weekend and witnessed the following scene.

My friends and I just got off the Water Canyon ride and were exiting the ride via a path that was beside the entrance line. We heard loud squawking and when we got closer we saw a group of ghetto girls with the most ghetto one was yelling into her phone with “Mom! I just snapped! I had to do it!”

We were puzzled but kept walking. One friend spied something on the ground, something that looked like a fat fuzzy caterpillar. We saw another, and another. My other friend shouted “That’s someone’s weave!” There were torn-out hair extensions on the ground!

We kept walking and saw security walking in. We kept walking and then we heard shouts of “No! Let go!”

Goddammit

2007-07-27T09:38:00.000+08:00

My most favourite rejection letter so far:

Thank you for submitting your application for an articling position with [Nice Law Firm that Took the Time to Let Me Down Gently]

At this time, our firm does not intend to hire an articling student. Nevertheless, we were most impressed with your application and trust that you will be successful in your search for a position.

We wish you all the best in your future endeavours, and we remain,

Yours very truly,
[Nice Law Firm that Took the Time to Let Me Down Gently]

My least favourite rejection letter so far:

Thank you for your application for an articling position with [Law Firm that Just Did a Mass E-mail Merge]. We appreciate your interest in our firm.

Unfortunately, we cannot offer you a position. Thank you again for your interest. We wish you success in your future endeavours.

Yours very truly,
[Law Firm that Just Did a Mass E-mail Merge]

Current interest in my life ....

2007-07-18T03:28:00.000+08:00

GO PRE!

More Verbatim

2007-07-12T19:35:00.000+08:00

Today's little golden nugget from Number 1's secretary.

She gave me an assignment of doing another land transaction summary today and I have to admit that I like doing them since they keep me busy when Numbers 1-3 get caught up in their own work and forget to give me work to do. After she gave me the documents she looked at me and said in a conspiratorial whisper:

Remember, you're not doing this for me, you're doing this for [the company].

Spectacular, non? It's like she's trying to indoctrinate me. I'm trying to figure out if I have a put-out look on my face when she gives me these things to do, but I'm pretty sure that I don't. I make sure to always have a smile affixed to my face while in the office (life is just easier at the office with a smile instead of a sour expression) and I've perfected my work laugh (yes, just like that episode of Friends) so that it doesn't come off disingenuous or condescending.

By the way, I highly recommend having a work laugh. It's a perfect filler for when co-workers say something astounding/irrelevant/not funny/all of the above.

More than meets the eye ...

2007-07-06T04:56:00.000+08:00

What can I say except that Transformers is a good summer movie - explosions, one-liners, car chases, fighting robots, product placement etc .... This was definitely worth my hard earned cash, more fun than two giant robot phalluses up my rectum.

PS. What is up with Megatron's trigger placement.

PPS. I have terrible gas today. I let one rip in my office. The fart smelled so bad that I propped the door open. I thought to myself, "Geez, I hope no one comes to my foul smelling office." Two minutes later the boss made a visit.

My Puss-Filled Scabby Knee

2007-07-04T08:12:00.000+08:00

This spite-filled post goes out to Sock Monkeys 1 and 3 since "girly" posts are deemed unacceptable.

I had softball last night and the following are the highlights:

I caught a fly ball! I celebrated by jumping up and down with joy since this was a very rare occurrence.

I missed catching the ball at home plate thus allowing the other team to score a run.

The bases were loaded when it was one of my turns to bat, I struck out.

I scored two runs! Funny story, on the second run the base coach messed me up and so I tried making a break for home. But the catcher caught the ball and had his eye on me so I had to run back to third base.

I tripped running back to the base and got a a nasty gash right below my knee

I went to work today with a Winne the Pooh band-aid that I swiped from Z's drawer (sorry, Z!) on my knee. Unfortunately the skin by the gash keeps flexing so it's not scabbing correctly and is consequently filled with puss and is oozing.

I bought Curious George band-aids (Z, do you like Curious George? I also saw Spiderman band-aids at the store if you want those instead) at lunch so I will have a delightfully curious monkey following me around at work for the rest of the week.

Update: Hey! My camera can take crisp photos!

More Work Verbatim

2007-07-01T04:42:00.000+08:00

For this past week the office's cooling system could best be described as "shiteous". One of my outfits in my work-wardrobe rotation is a grey knee-length baby-doll dress with princess sleeves, typically worn with black leggings and my black mary-janes with a 2.5" stacked heel. Since this week was disgustingly hot I decided to forgo the leggings but before I left the house I made sure that my hem and neckline were work appropriate and that the dress was suitably opaque.

This is what Number 1's awful secretary said to me the minute she laid eyes on me:

Preparing for another hot day in the office?

The hell?! Did she just tell me that I was dressed like a streetwalker?!

I spent half of the morning polling my work friends and they were all just as puzzled as me. Our only conclusion was that a baby-doll dress and 2.5" heels aren't typical office attire. But considering that some co-workers look like they just rolled out of bed, I don't think I should be judged for my heels and the fact that I care about my personal appearance and personal hygiene. Jesus, it's not like I came into work wearing a mini-skirt and 2.5" stilettos, whore make-up and un-washed hair.

source and source

This One is Also Sung in the Key of FUCK YEAH!

2007-06-29T09:12:00.000+08:00

The Spice Girls are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN, MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 4 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Ms. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

source

This one is sung in the key of FUCK YEAH!

2007-06-27T06:13:00.001+08:00

The Verve are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 38 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Mr. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

FUCK YEAH! It is 1997 all over again!!!!!

I Never Meet Any Normal Guys

2007-06-25T07:56:00.000+08:00

The background story: I made tentative plans with EQ on Wednesday for today, Sunday. He wasn't sure if he was free but he said he'd let me know by Friday what the deal was. I didn't hear from him all week until 7:48pm today via text message.

Hey Heidi sorry about today. Ended up helping my friend with the bbq

Wow. It's almost spectacular; I've never met a guy before that cared just enough to contact the girl after standing her up and after such a serious length of lag time. Have any of you guys ever pulled such a shithead of a move before?

Picture from Mud Run '07

2007-06-23T02:49:00.001+08:00

We were THOSE GUYS! (i.e., Did you see THOSE GUYS? or THOSE GUYS think they are really funny! or I wish THOSE GUYS would shut the fuck up!"). In reality it was more like, "THOSE GUYS kicked our asses in the race."

What a riot!!

2007-06-22T09:23:00.000+08:00

Ok, you guys will not believe this, J actually made a joke that i laughed at. We were talking about people stuck at our company X for life (this place has the tendency to trap you in a dead-end dept that you'll never escape). I call it the IT effect. You know what J called it?

Life without payroll

Get it??? YUK YUK YUK! He must be drinking on the job again to come up with zingers like that!

A Good Day

2007-06-16T19:07:00.001+08:00

Friday was a day full of Good Times. Highlights include:

Eating oatmeal cookies for breakfast

Look, I know I said I'd give up junk food, but it's hard, okay?

Getting paid
Getting off work at 3:00
Going to Medieval Times for my very first time with Pru-bert for Z's grade one graduation

There's something kind of fun about eating half a roasted chicken with just my bare hands
Our knight lost nearly all his challenges, but he still gets an E for effort

Going to Schmooze afterwards. The place with the $2.50 Happy Hour and where LT and his friend got denied entrance that one time because they didn't have collared shirts on

Went and met up with EQ

Got hit on by EQ's bi-sexual female friend

Finally conquering the Gardiner Expressway and Lakeshore Boulevard for driving around downtown Toronto

Hair club for men ...

2007-06-16T13:05:00.000+08:00

My age is catching up to me. My hair is thinning on top of my head. This is really depressing. I don't think there are any cool bald people. Case in point: Phil Collins. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantastic Four - Rise of the Vomit in my Mouth

2007-06-15T08:57:00.000+08:00

I cannot stress enough how much I hated this movie. If ever there was a movie that could be described as "all the good parts are shown in the trailer," this is it. The only way I can describe this turd- pointless. The Silver Surfer character is so pointless, they could've written him out of the story (but then they wouldn't have a reason for making this shit). He just mumbles a few lines, Jessica Alba stands around looking hot, Dr. Doom shoots lightning bolts, and hell comes to Earth in the shape of a giant fart cloud.

This is Galactus

This ISN'T Galactus

I'd rather sit at home with 2 cocks in my mouth, so none for this movie.

Self explanatory post.

2007-06-13T07:27:00.001+08:00

Store in Bird Rock neighborhood.

Bedtime stories

2007-06-04T08:47:00.001+08:00

Here's a conversation over email i had the other day with Hawaiian Five-O (she had bolted straight up in bed the previous night):

Me: Was i dreaming or did you really suddenly wake up last night and yell "SHIT" because my farts were really bad?

Her: no !! you were not dreaming!! i woke up by your stinky farts once AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost puke!!! =p

Me: i thought you yelled SHIT because we both forgot to wake up or something. But then i smelled how bad the farts were under the covers and realized that's what you were screaming about. that's so funny..

Her: no .. i asked you "did you fart again?" you said "NOoo" and i thought i smelled something funny from outside so i tried covered my face with the blanket ... then i realized no!!! it is really your fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i almost gonna throw away the blanket!!!!!!!!!!! this is not funny!! this is the second time i woke up by your stinkie fart!! >_<~~~~~~

The two sock monkeys ....

2007-05-26T04:23:00.000+08:00

in HK are threatening me with great bodily harm this September. After I stated the events of fitness to be, one of them said he was going to have to excuse himself. The excuse being that he wanted to be the photographer for those events. I am calling you out as a Person Under Severe Stress Yo (aka PUSSY)!

"And Four, You've Been Yelled At!"

2007-05-25T06:51:00.001+08:00

The girl on the left is one of my friends that took a picture as well. And if you look beyond her you can make out a large barrel-shaped security guard getting ready to yell at us.