I was grocery shopping at the local Asian mall today. I was minding my own buisness - you know like sniffing the durian to see which one I should bring home. There is nothing I like better than a dank piece of durian. It is important to pick a ripe one, otherwise you have to cook it with coconut to make it yummy.
While sniffing the spiky fruits, I hear this noise of girls screaming and laughing. I was like WTF as this is interupting my durian picking experience. I go back to inspecting the durians. You know you got to pick a soft stinky one. The noise still does not stop. So I go take a look see in front of the store, all the while thinking "no one better steal my fucking cart with my righteous durian." I immediatly see 20 asian girls dressed in black (tight hoochy mama pants), high heels, and way too much fucking make-up. I was like great! Fucking asian sorority girls. But then I see 15 girls dressed as FUCKING SHREK! They had their faces painted and the whole 10 yards for the costume (even down to the clown size feet). The "SHREKs" were singing and dancing - generally acting like morons. A crowd of Saturday night asian shoppers stood and watched. Some were bemused, while the rest were confused.
All I could think was how fucked up this was. If my kids every join the Greek system in college I will seriously lay the beats on them or have them sent to re-education camp. After fantasizing about tossing a hand grenade in the crowd I walked back into the store. I was glad to see my cart and durian was still there!
I called my friend Whitey C afterwards. He asked his brother's GF if what I saw was a pledge event. She said, "Yeah, I help planned that!"
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9 comments:
It's too bad my school doesn't have any sororities, I'd be all over it like a fat kid on a smartie.
So are you saying you would eat an asian sorority girl? I am not sure I get the analogy.
It's 'fat kid on a cupcake' you backwards, Chapters-going canajin. (Hy-D)
Second, that account is wholly distorted (K.O.). I'll be six feet in the cold, cold ground before I rekanize 'whitey c'.
Lastly you need to learn to shake. That's your problem. You have beef with everything, even simple shit like asians celebrating St. Patrick's day with a cartoon character who has a Scottish accent. If you would just stop for a second and shake at things you would find your quality of life ascending that gradient to a sweet, sweet local maximum.
last time i checked, asians don't celebrate st paddy's day or cinco de mayo. sort of like why whitey c don't celebrate chinese new years.
what part is distorted? the ugly sorority girls? or the humiliated pledges?
I'm just gonna say that the "Smartie" analogy is perfectly valid. We have Smarties candy in Canada so I think a fat Canadian kid would be all over it.
I am not sure if shake is right word. Maybe by "shake" you mean to be a "complacent squishy middle american white dude." If so, then I refuse to "shake."
You would have remembered me celebrating Chinese New Year had you made an appearance at the Genesee Apartment Party jerkbox.
And I do celebrate Chlamydia De Mayo in PB every year.
I decided to indulge:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=all+over+it+%22like+a+fat+kid+on+a%22+&btnG=Google+Search
There're a number of colloquialisms, the most common is 'cupcake' but yours is acceptable.
Nah it was all cool people.
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