My kid brother the photographer.

Edmonton at dusk.

UFO in my bedroom.

The electrician came this morning to install our Le Klint light fixture. We hung the light in the corner of our bedroom. In the background you can see that spring has arrived. The marine layer comes fast and thick.

Ding Dong - Sounds from my b-school journey

Goddamn. Over the last 2 months, I've read 6 of these damn sentences...

"Inclusive of your admission interview, your application received the careful consideration of our Admissions Committee. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you admission to the Class of 2009."

WTF!?!? Here are the dings in order of appearance, Dartmouth, NYU, UMich, Columbia, Cornell and Chicago. HOLY SHIT!!

Now I have to wait another month for Duke and Yale.

I'm depressed.

Guns and Fun - From my cold dead hands...

Just got back from weekend in Las Vegas.

Mega fun at this place - http://www.lasvegasgunrange.net/

Shot an M16, Israeli Uzi, Swedish K, MP-5K and an USP.45.

Ridiculous.

I'm now a certified gun-toting Republican.

Who wants to see photos of my trip to the Middle East?

I'm gonna make my pics public for about a week and then take they private.

http://picasaweb.google.com/jlocanada

Shut up Tarantino

I'm assuming most of you saw Casino Royale and agree it's a very entertaining movie. I haven't had that much fun at a movie for a while.

But check out what Tarantino had to say about it: article

Someone needs to give him a shot of STFU. That's awesome how filming the movie like how the book was written is his original idea. Sorta like how the pretentious Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill are original genres he invented because he's much more cinematically enlightened than the rest of us? Someone get that douchebag back in a Blockbuster store because that's where he belongs.

Vegetarian Birthday

Why is no one else posting on the blog? Don't make me come over there. Anyway, happy birthday to the vegetarian running machine that is CB. Go eat some vegan birthday cake!

Seriously, What's Wrong with People?

Who would eat a hamburger that uses Krispy Kreme donuts as its buns??? I can get behind the idea of something like a bread pudding that uses donuts, but hamburgers?

Note: All my recent food posts are because I'm on a diet and I've reached the point where I'm obsessed with food.

source

Public Pet Peeves

I noticed there are a lot of things that set me off in the morning. While taking the subway to work, i hate people that:

1) Talk non-stop on their phone; it's 8 o'fucking'clock, how much could you possibly have to talk about?
2) Make out with their bf/gf. Again it' 8AM in the morning, you're both wearing your office attire, is there a need for PDA? Whatever you did last night, we don't want any hint whatsoever. This isn't junior high anymore you fucktards, it's not cool to show everyone you have a bf/gf.
3) People that think I'd love to share their newspapers with them. Yeah, I love reading about the latest gossip about karaoke singers first thing in the morning because your arm span violates my personal bubble.

I'd love to show any one of these people what I have in my pocket for them.

When I get to the office, there's a moment of dread before i open the door to my floor. Remember in American Psycho, Patrick Batman is like "relief washes over me in an awesome wave"? Well, it's the opposite for me. The expectation of the IT smell is hitting me in a horrifying wave of pestilence.

What about you guys?

So Cute!

Holy crap! When I get my own place I'm buying these! Except I'd do something psychotic like have a bowlful of these heads sitting out on my coffee table.

source

Acid Burn

So my new diet consists of eating more veggies either raw, grilled or steamed and only using vinegar, lemon juice or mustards as condiments. Much like J, I have a dislike for veggies and the only way I'm getting through this is by liberally dousing my veggies in balsamic vinegar. Actually it's not "dousing" so much as it's "making balsamic vingegar soup with veggies floating around in it". I'm wondering if at my next check-up my doctor will think I'm bulimic.

Deathtrap

Holy crap! We had freezing rain last night and everything in K-Hole is right now either a giant sheet of ice or a giant slush puddle. Since there' s a career fair today, I'm wearing my fancy boots that only have aesthetic value and I nearly killed myself just walking down my front steps. I managed to pitifully walk one block before finding a cab. My actual thought process while walking was: "I am going to die walking to civil procedure class, that's not fair! At least I have clean underwear on. Oh, praise, Jebus! A cab!"

Pencil, oh pencil ...

I have been using a Dixon Ticonderoga H pencil this week for working out shitty filter equations. Typically, I use a keyboard for the majority of the time at work. This week I noticed the skin on my right thumb is flaking off. Using the pencil has soaked up all the moisture in the areas of my hand that contact the pencil. Does this happen to anyone else? The flaking is so bad that when I got lemon juice on my thumb it hurt like getting my gonads stomped. Well maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.

It Smells Like a Turd Covered in Burnt Hair

So I was cleaning out CB's and CwK's fridge this morning and CB and I came across this yogurt that had been in there since March of last year. I nearly freaked out when I saw what was in the container. It was this weird, lumpy grey mass that just smelt "like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food."

Home Depot

Yo, a big shout-out of happy birthday to that door stop from Home Depot, Heidi! What what, can i get a what what.

Yes, too much drinking with the uk boys and girls.

It's Going to Be a Long Semester: Part Deux

The past few weeks of school have been so long and horrible that I sometimes just expect to find in my mailbox a letter that reads along the lines of:

Dear Heidi,

Fuck you.

Kisses,
The Universe

Update: Today was another harrowing day. I think the letter will now probably read as:

FUCK YOU. SUCK ON IT.
[obscene drawing]

A Little Unknown Fact

I'm going to San Diego to visit CB and CwK next week for my Reading Week. I'm quite excited to work on my tan and hasten my chances of getting skin cancer. But until I'm actually there I thought I'd share this not commonly known fact about San Diego: "It was discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina."

Chariots , full of nerds, of Fire

I really need to know: Do people run around in your office?

I seriously have no idea why the nerds in my office run around when the distance is only like 5-10 meters at the most. Are they like trying to fit in some exercise at the office or something? Are they in that big of a hurry that they can't waste the 5 extra seconds if they were walking instead?

And if they insist on running, why do they run like that? Are the flailing arms really necessary?

Maybe they really do see Jimbo and Neslon running after them, if only they knew who they were. Cultureless bastards.

What the hell?

What the hell has happened to Edmonton?

Namely, when did the standard of journalistic writing go to the shits?

You Know You're a Poor Student When...

...you consider it a splurge to turn the thermostat up by 5 degrees celsius during a snowy Canadian winter.

This is What I Dream About

LT's drawing inspired me to unleash my inner artiste.

Blog migration

Ok, I just migrated the blog over to Google because I imagine sooner or later I'd be forced to anyways. And also to ignore their stupid reminders when logging on.














For some reason, I don't see most of you listed as contributors but you are still on the list when I view the admin pages. Don't know what's going on, but fuck it, hopefully it'll fix itself.

music vid of the year goes to ooioo umo

Go here to watch it. Pretty batty weird.

Children of Crap

I just watched Children of Men and I have to say it's easily one of the worst films I've watched this year. And considering I watched Material Girls that says a lot. During the movie I actually felt enraged and wanted to walk out because of the camera work. From start to finish the camera never stopped shaking once and I got a headache at the 10-minute mark and felt like walking out at the 30-minute mark.

That movie stole two hours of my life!

Fucking Prayers!

Going to see my new favorite San Diego band this weekend. The Prayers is the sound of NOW. I am just happy that the new scene in SD does not include the new faux cool kids. The internerd made it easier for all the kooks to come find our scene. Fucking Champs on Friday. This weekend is going to rule so hard. My bronchitis is going away, thus I can drink again.

Veggie-Tales

In an effort to eat more healthy food I bought a tomato for the first time in my life the other day.
Yes, I'm aware that it's a fruit.

Lassie come home.

I am still sick in bed. It is 11:30 am and I am bed ridden. The bedroom smells of death. I went to work yesterday thinking I was better, I may have infected the office instead. I am bored and there is no food in the house. Just me and the dog at home. It is cloudy and cold outside my bedroom window.

The Miracle Worker

Holy crap, I think CB cured me of my habit of non-stop eating of junk food. I don't have the urge to eat cookies for dinner anymore. Praise Jebus!

Iron Chef: Part II

Thursday's dinner: Eggplant with basil; snow peas and fake-meat; and salt and pepper shrimp.

I made the rice; I washed it and put it in the rice cooker and everything! God, I really hope I end up marrying a chef. If not, I'll be eating sandwiches everyday for the rest of my life.

Iron Chef

I'm in San Diego for my winter break right now with xCharlesBronsonx and Chixwknives. So far it's been Good Times.

CB is pretty handy in the kitchen and his meals are pretty yummy. For the rest of my time here I'm going to blog about the meals he's prepared.

• Monday: Blended roasted red pepper sauce with seafood over linguine
• Tuesday: Portobello mushrooms stuffed with cilantro, pine nuts, seafood and breadcrumbs

I propose that the next time CB, LT, J and myself are together we have a cook-off. Okay, CB, LT and J can cook off, I'll just wash the dishes because that's just how my OCD flies.

Life in the Student Ghetto Part II

It's exam time again and for the past few weeks I've been too lazy/tired to cook real food. Wait, that's a lie. I'm too lazy/tired all the time to cook real food, but during exam time I have an excuse for it.

My diet thus far has consisted of Sweet and Salty Almond Granola Bars, Spicy Peanut Satay flavoured tuna and the occasional order of poutine. If you guys ever come across the tuna in the grocery store I highly recommend it. Yeah, it kind of looks like a tin of cat food, but it's extremely delicious.

And the answer to your question is "No, I'm not turning into a fat-ass while I'm in school and eating nothing but crap. I joined the gym and go to step class regularly."

Don Diva Mag

Check this out - http://www.dondivamag.com/

I especially like the link to the "Sticky Page" near the bottom of their homepage.

Apple Commercial Geek

Check this out. Looks funny. I'm gonna buy it.

http://areasofmyexpertise.com/

BAT SHIT CRAZY!

Like I have always said, peeps in Hong Kong are motherfucking crazy. How evil do you have to be to do this kind of shit. Judge needs to put her and her own son away for life. You don't want those crazy genes out there. I would at least petition to have her ovaries removed. Crazy bitch.

I Just Came Up with This Year's X-Mas Card for Our Parents

Update: Little Thingies requested that I repost and give J a haircut. Who knew he cared so much about J's hair?

Countdown to Exams

Four 100%-weighted exams. Shit.

Things overheard ...

Sunday morning 7 a.m. while changing into my wetsuit at Pipes I heard this yelling, "DON'T MAKE ME! MAKE YOU! LOOK LIKE A PUSSY IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!!!" The "me" and "you" was emphasized and elongated for full dramatic effect.

I turned to peek who said that and it was two surfer Spicoli types. Classic So Cal.

If you don't know who Spicoli is, I feel sorry for you man.

Life in the Student Ghetto

My only decoration is my Hello Kitty calendar.

As an added bonus, here's a picture of my empty fridge. I need to buy groceries.

Deep Throat

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

My God...

Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you...Tommy Lee Jones as seen by the Japanese.

Silly pig, doritos are for me

Seriously, what is up with Stinkie? I lent a dvd to one of my other colleagues and he brought it back yesterday. Stinkie went up to him, talked about the movie for a bit, and just took it. No, he didn't bother asking me if he could borrow it, he just took it. I turned around and asked him "you taking that home?"

And he single-handedly ate a tube of special Pringles from our friday meeting snack stash. Another colleague went to england and brought that back, they were actually quite good. But this sucker just finished off the whole thing himself. The kicker is that he never donates money to the snack fund, even i do for shit's sake. This is his usual practice: take food from the stash, take my doritos with his grubby hands, or waits until someone is on leave before going to their desk and taking their food. And every once in a while, someone will ask "where the hell did all the snacks go? Are the janitors stealing our food???"

This type of behavior just blows my mind. And his shirt/pants? Still the same ones; 90 days and counting since the last time he probably washed them.

Straight out of Canton.

Who are these guys -Down Lo Mein, HK Fever, Hunan Bomb? The beats and rhymes are dope.
Do the NY peeps on here (i.e., Shorter_Name) know them? Are they friends with Live from NY? I need to know. I usually dislike Asian ethnic humor (i.e., that space monster Margarent Cho, that one guy from Mad TV), but this is quite funny. HK Fever's accent is so on the money, it sounds like Bruce Lee from Enter the Dragon.

BANANAS

Have you peeps seen this? This is such awesomeness. No more squashed bananas for lunch. However, it does sort of look obscene.

Bitches!

What's going on here bitches? I see this site has reached its first anniversary.

So what's new bitches?!!

Muslim Veils

If these jack asses cannot adapt to their guest countries' norms and traditions, maybe they should go back home. No one is forcing them to stay in Australia or England for that matter. I think the underlying message he is really saying is that Muslim men are savages and cannot keep their genitals in check.

While I am on my soap box, why did Madonna not just give the father money to raise the child. I do not see Bono, Bill and Melinda Gates, Oprah adopting children. The English should boot her out of their country. Send her back to Detroit with her fake ass English accent.

I just opened Pandora's box

So in my department, we have a stash of junk food and drinks for our Friday meetings (casual affairs where we discuss things). The food is bought with money donated by some of us, but of course not everyone contributes to the fund.

Stinky, who happens to sit beside the stash, is always going to crazy town on that shit. His contributions to the fund are obvious as I wouldn't write this entry if otherwise. Every so often, someone will make the comment "what the hell happened to all the food? Is someone stealing it??" Think about the trouble of going to buy this shit during lunch time and you can imagine my annoyance.

I'm always hungry in the office, so i bought bags of doritos. I made the mistake of sharing them one day. Some acted like the Flanders' kids on pixie sticks for the very first time; they were like WOW. Stinky just came back for more and more like he does whenever i have candy or whatever. And the thought of his grubby hands in there...yech. Given his history, I don't think i can ever eat doritos in peace.

I WANT DORITOS IN THE OFFICE BUT I CAN'T!!!! YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HERE??? AARGGGGH WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD??? !@#$#%

Can I say how awesome this is ...

Comments please.

"Everyone in this Room is Now Dumber for Having Listened to It"

When Little Thingies said that he'd just ordered three of Adam Sandler's movies on Amazon, I immediately thought of the above quote and laughed until I fell out of my chair. Then when I picked myself off of the floor I remembered this Smoking Gun article that was passed around a while ago and fell out of my chair laughing again.

My goal in life after I get out of law school is to use the same quote in a similar context somehow and somewhere.

Ghost busting in the 858

We went to Whaley House this weekend in Old Town. The house is said to be the most haunted house in North America. I started the evening off with two gin and tonics at home. This was followed by a double shot margarita. We were now ready. We saw NOTHING!!! We each payed $10 to go in. Such a let down. Afterwards we drank some more next door. BAH!

It's Miller Time!!! Or Milwaukee's Best time..

It's the start of Mid-Autumn Festival here and we just had our little office party. I joked to the secretary we should get beer...and she took me seriously like I hoped. Anyways, I'm drinking at the office right now and it's giving me a different perspective on life...like what the hell am I doing here when I should be at a real bar??

No need for terrorists!

Let me give you an idea of the kind of people I'm dealing with in HK. So i have nice hand towels in the washroom. Like the expensive kind that feel nice on your skin. I placed it in a towel bowl (actually, a nice dinner bowl) so it would make the washroom attractive. Some people came in to work on the washroom yesterday. I assume it went something like this:

"We need something to wipe this shit up...oh what's this? Perfect!"

When dad came to check on them, they were like wiping the floor with my towel although there were raggedy cleaning towels in plain site.

Oh yeah, you know how AC units have an little trapper to collect exhaust water and send it down a tube? The people that installed it, they figured if they use tape to attach the trapper, it would be good enough. Sure enough, the trap just fell off, just hanging by a little piece of tape. So i didn't even realize my AC unit was pouring water down onto the apartment front door below until i was wondering what all that splashing sound was.

Dad put it best. If these were the types of people that built airplanes, how safe would you feel?

UPDATE: So I was right. At first it was just too impossibly stupid to be true. When i told my dad, he didn't believe me people could be so retarded. Not only did the AC technician improperly install the water trap, he improperly installed the WHOLE FUCKING THING. When i looked at the AC, it looked like it was being held up by scrap, rotting, wooden pegs. But i thought it was just my tired eyes seeing things. I also noticed how the AC was awkwardly pointing upwards; I thought maybe all AC units do that now for more efficient cooling of the room. But another technician came in today and said "yup, that's fucked up, those wooden legs aren't even the right height." He had to pull the whole thing out and properly reinstall it.

So, if a strong typhoon had hit HK, it could've probably blew the AC off its legs where the shock would've probably caused it to bounce around before falling 5 floors down. But I guess people throwing boiling soy sauce and other random shit out the window wouldn't be surprised by a falling AC unit.

So the lesson you should learn here is that if you ever have to do renovations in HK, make sure you're there to supervise it. If possible, you should have a gun pointed at their heads while they do so. Otherwise they'll just F you in the A.

Indian Summer

Summer is still here. Nothing to report on this front. Work, surf, eat, sleep. Life is such. Ordered a new surfboard for the winter. Should come in 7 weeks.

Going to go see the Brian Jonestown Massacre tonight. The Tyde are opening. Should be good.

Lord of the Flies

Nothing really new to report on my end, except that I still think my ex is a selfish asshole and that I have fruit flies in my apartment.

I think the fruit flies came about when I opened up a cantelope a few weeks and failed to dispose of the rinds and guts right away. A can of Raid and a few sheets of flypaper later, I think I've taken care of most of the bugs. But now I'm scared to leave organic garbage out and the garbage disposal area in my building is seriously sketchy and has an even worse problem with flies. So I've settled for putting all my organic waste in a baggie in my freezer and tossing it out on garbage day. So if you ever come over to my place, the ice cream is next to the bag of frozen banana peels and egg shells. Yes, I'm aware of how disgusting that is.

Invasion...

Ok, since activity is dying down on both blogs, I'm recommending to start shit with the other blog: Drunken Amigos.

Same rules apply, no usage of real names. Feel free to point out stupidity when you spot it.

More Tales from HeidiLand

After this summer I don't think I'm going to live with roommates ever again; I end up feeling aggravated and pissed after the whole experience. But the thing is, after having issues with two of my Kingston roommates and now my Toronto roommates, I'm not sure if I have shitty luck or if I'm just a be-yotch.

My Toronto roommates are friends that I knew from before, one guy and girl who are dating each other. I'm not sure but I think I offended them off at some point because they usually act like I just pissed in their Corn Flakes whenever I try to engage them in conversation. They usually don't communicate directly with me, it's just indirect conversations laced with passive-aggression.

Highlights of my living experience with them include:

• I was tanning in the backyard and when I came back into the house the guy had left a note asking me to clean the bathrooms. I have no problem doing my share of the housework but what's with the note? After knowing each other for 1 1/2 years are we not close enough for you to make the effort of opening the screen door and walking 10 steps in order to have a direct conversation?
• One night I was watching tv in the living room, which is directly beside the front door, and they both left to spend the night at their respective family homes. The only reason I knew neither would be coming home that night was because I overheard their conversation earlier. The living room is only three feet away from the front door. They didn't call out goodbye as they left the house either.
• For a goodbye party I arranged a night out with some friends and had mentioned it earlier to them. A few days before I asked the girl if she and the guy were planning on coming. She turned around to the guy, who was beside her, and asked "what time are we leaving for the cottage?" The guy responded "I want to leave in the afternoon." And then the girl turned back to me and just looked at me without saying anything.
  

Why do I feel like I'm going to turn into that crazy cat-lady from The Simpsons?

I love the smell of napalm in the morning ...

It had been a weird year and it is not even over yet.

For a while I was 33 years old, unemployed and living in my parent's basement. I can blame my reversal of fortunes squarely upon Agent Quach of DHS. The v.c. motherfucker denied me entry into the U.S. Homeboy could barely speak english. I should of asked him how it feels to work for the government that napalmed his entire family. Because of midget man, we had to cancel our reception. On the flip side, I still got to go to Europe.

Every night I pray that Agent Quach catches HIV or SARS.

Just another one of those WTF just happened???

Ok, you guys help me intepret what happened to me yesterday.

I just finished buying groceries from the store down the street from home. I'm wearing shorts, running shoes, have a backpack on, and carrying stuff on both arms. So here i am walking back home; as i reach home, i noticed a kid ahead of me look me straight in the eye with a wierd smirk on his face. He couldnt' have been older than 20. Of course i don't think anything of it.

As i walk halfway up the stairs, suddenly he comes up and is like (in chinese), "excuse me sir, how big are your feet?" I'm like "huh??? uhh....size 9." He then proceeds to grab my ankle, lift my leg off the ground, and tries taking my left shoe off. He's like "just wanna check." I'm like WTF!?!? and slam my foot down. He then scurries off like a gawdamn rat.

So what was it?

1. He was really trying to steal my shoe (although a really bad attempt)
2. He was hoping i'd drop my groceries by making me run after him with one shoe on...where he would then proceed to steal my groceries?
3. As i ran after him, maybe someone was waiting around the corner to clock me? And then they could steal all my stuff?
4. He really did wanna know my shoe size because my shoes look so good on me? (just my old NB runners)
   

It could've been possible he followed me home because while I take one path home, he could've ran the other path so that he'd meet me head-on.

At any rate, while he was crouching down trying to take my shoe off, i should've said "hail to the king baby" and then kick him down the stairs.

Discuss.

This goes out to my balls

Awesome, the secretary finally came through for me and allowed me to take a chair meant for managers. It's not that i got promoted to manager (although i should have their gawdamn jobs...all of them combined). The cheap office chair i was using was so bad that it got to the point where i had nerve pains in my crotch where it would proceed to blaze a path down my left leg, do a sharp asian-lady-driver 180 degree turn up the same leg, back across my crotch, and into my lower back where the pains would perform River Dance and set another yet another record for the most taps in a 1 minute span.

With this new chair, the turn-around is not so much a sharp 180 turn, but more of a gentle uturn performed by an experienced driver. The move on my back is not so much a Michael Flatley, but a light-hearted jig.

What company would knowingly provide chairs that do this? oh i know!

It's Too Quiet in Here

Since there's been no activity in here for so long I'm just going to blog about something random. Look what I made Friday night! It's made up of concentric circles of white chocolate cheesecake and milk chocolate cheesecake.

And if you're thinking in your head "This is what you do on Friday nights? Instead of going out and socializing?" My answer is "No. I went out Saturday night so I took it easy on Friday. Jackass."

Party in Two Months

Who's going to San Diego in August? There's no excuse not to go. This is the perfect opportunity for all of to get together and get drunk and throw XCharlesBronsonX into the ocean.

Meanwhile, I'm sick of hockey and soocer. I wish there was a dodgeball tournement on tv instead.

Chuck!!

Got a new suit! Just in time for the wedding banquet although I probably won't be needing it for the damn zoo.

And Chuck F'ing Norris!

Wedding in LA

Went to Martin of Giant Robot magazine fame wedding yesterday. Pretty good times. They had ice cream for us during the ceremony. The Ray Barbee band played background music for the ceremony. Daniel Wu was there with his partner. He looks much shorter in real life. He chain smoked the entire time. Hung out at Bill the Bear's house after the ceremony and met a singer from some band. She cursed like a sailor. I cannot believe she used to be an english teacher. Her vocabulary consisted of the words: Fuck!; Man!; Dude!

At the reception they had 2 punk bands play. I have never seen 300 old chinese people move their asses so fast. The first band emptied out the room like a bad fart.

The Boredom at Work is Killing My Soul

So I started my summer job this week and so far it's been a little underwhelming. Yesterday I literally opened a file and spread it out across my desk and opened a spreadsheet on my computer and then proceeded to daydream for the next 7.5 hours because I had nothing to do. Well, I guess to be fair, I did do some work. I updated my resume.

Things are this slow at the office because my supervisor is busy with his own projects and while he did assign me a project it's not going anywhere because he has to get back to me on something. So until I hear back from him I'm free to update resumes for people.

I was doin this shit when you was shittin Pampers

I just wanted to see that phrase on the internet yo!

This is what happens when you steal ....

Read this webpage, this poor guy had his Sidekick stolen. Very entertaining.

Assholes

What is up with the following assholes? They are all Canadian citizens, and yet they want destroy the country that granted them citizenship. These assholes should be grateful that Canada is what it is. They should be shipped back to some god forsaken middle eastern shithole to learn what hard times really are. Because of the wealth of the nation, the lesiure time granted to these dickheads results in this sort of extra curricular activity. Back in the old country they would be dodging IED's, death squads, building mud huts etc ... Some people just cannot handle leisure time (see Bertrand Russell for a cogent discussion of "leisure"). At the same time, a majority of the blame also falls upon the parents. Certain people should be sterilized, better yet, send them to permanent re-education camps.

P.S. The Great Decider should note that there have been less deaths from same sex marriages than his righteous foreign policy.

Fahim Ahmad, 21, of Robinstone Drive, Toronto Zakaria Amara, 20, of Periwinkle Crescent, Mississauga Asad Ansari, 21, of Rosehurst Drive, Mississauga Shareef Abdelhaleen, 30, of Lowville Heights, Mississauga Qayyum Abdul Jamal, 43, of Montevideo Road, Mississauga Mohammed Dirie, 22, Kingston Yasim Abdi Mohamed, 24, Kingston Jahmaal James, 23, of Trudelle Street, Toronto Amin Mohamed Durrani, 19, of Stonehill Court, Toronto Steven Vikash Chand alias Abdul Shakur, 25, of Treverton Drive, Toronto Ahmad Mustafa Ghany, 21, of Robin Drive, Mississauga Saad Khalid, 19, of Eclipse Avenue, Mississauga

Sparkling colonic tonic!

So the better half (or should I say the shittier half in about 20 minutes, har har har) just ingested some sparkling lemon lime laxative. This is to prepare her for her procedure tomorrow at the clinic. I am fascinated by this entire procedure. She is now taking additional tablets for a more explosive bowel movements. This will be followed by an self applied enema. I figure I have to leave the house in about 30 minutes to avoid the shittiness to come. The farts have already begun. Argghhh......

The mean streets of HK

Ok, i think we have a contender for a proper follow-up to the crazy lady video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSHziqJWYcM

Good opportunity for anyone wishing to brush up on their chinese.

The Hyundai of Martial Arts

I just came across this article:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/5020804.stm

I can't decide which is stranger- Iraqi people practicing TKD, or that their olympic TDK team surrender and get taken hostage. Of course, if this was a troll blog, someone would go on to say something like "for a second there, i thought you were talking about the French."

But to be fair, I do realize the bad guys had guns and would've gotten their asses kicked without them. What is this world coming to? There's no more honor in hand-to-hand combat.

Aug 26th.

Design by our RISD graduate cousin. Check it out yo! I have no idea how the colors got inverted, but it looks even doper.

Update On My Broken Body

PapaHeidi finally talked me into seeing a doctor today. So my vacation is officially complete now that I've visited the hospital and came away with four different types of meds and an anti-inflammatory shot.

Wait, I still haven't taken my picture with Mickey yet. Okay, on Sunday, after Disneyland, my vacation will be officially complete.

Oh yeah, the diagnosis was a throat infection.

I Broke My Body

Speaking of immune systems, mine has completely left me. One week in HK's smog and my body has pitifully given up. My lungs feel like they're on fire everytime I breathe. And they're so weak that I'm afriad that if I cough too hard, they'll explode.

If it were possible I'd cut open my chest, remove my lungs, soak them in disinfectant and give them a good scrubbing and massage before returning them to my chest.

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I miss K-Hole. I'm too used to the air there now; a lot less people drive and indoor smoking has been banned so it's much cleaner.

ZOO TIME!!! Get down on the way up!

So I am having a party at the zoo. It will be so much fun that people will lose their minds. Open bar!!!!! Anyways, I am currently pissed at my brothers' employer (who shall remain nameless). All I have to say is that they should let them break their vacation up. It is the least they can do for them. For fuck's sake, they have to sit in offices with people reeking like chinese sausage. Fucking low-lifes. FUCK THE MAN!!!!!!!!

And don't forget, this what you get for fucking with primates. FUCKING HIV. GO VEGETARIAN!!!!! People are such barbarians in Africa. How do you eat bush meat? You might as well be a cannibal and eat your own kin. 99.7% shared genetics is no fluke.

Wooah woh oh those summer nights..

Jesus H Christ, it's summer season again and someone in my office really reeks. It's that sickly Chinese BO/MSG/mothball smell that makes me wanna throw up. For some reason it's blowing my way today and it's making me sick. I have some clues as to who it is...basically the whole department.

If my olfactory nerves were my eyes, i'd ask someone to stab them to save me from such a horrible vision.

the coolest video of all time

Check this! This is the greatest video of all time!

This is the song that is going through your head when you are leaving someone's house at 6 in the morning! What an amazing fucking feeling!!!

Coolest man on this planet ...

Watch this video of Richard Ashcroft on Regis and Kathy Lee. Watch the interview at the end. This video shows why he is quite possibly the coolest person ever. He gives off the vibe of undeniable cool.

Cooking Catastrophe

So I whipped up a batch of ill Indo curry tonight. The recipe from Grandma K requires a red chili puree. I mashed some up some fierce red chilis in the blender. Apparently the gaseous compounds released from the puree'ing ended up in my nose. My nose started burning up and I jumped in the shower. What I really wanted was to pour milk on my head. The shower did not help so I ended up just waiting it out - i.e., the pain receptors got so blown out that they ceased to register/sense/transmit any sort of noxious stimulation. The curry was pretty ill. Now the tissue under my finger nails are hurting. I wish I had some ice cream to stick my fingers in.

I've Lost My Blog!

The Heidi Report ran away. I don't know where it is or how to fix the problen. Blogger's help section is absolutely useless. Arg.

Anyway, this Sunday is Mother's Day. Be sure to call your moms and grandmas!

Silent Hill...

So i finally got to watch this movie since 3 years they announced they were making it. First of, the acting was horrendous. I think the movie would've been better if the main characters just ran around with nothing to say. Other than that, the transition scenes from normal world to hell were really well done. If you've played the game, you know what i'm talking about. These scenes were loud and made the movie a true Silent Hill experience. The plot loosely follows the first game. If you never played it, then there are some gaps that won't make any sense in the movie.

But the star of the movie...Pyramid Head....like anyone would expect. The level of brutality went from 5 to like 11 in any of the scenes he was in. Crazy, I never saw those parts coming.

The characters were annoying but the visuals alone make the movie worth watching. If you liked the games, you'll like the movie. Otherwise you'll probably hate it.

God high-fives Jesus every time a right-wing Christian wingnut is infected with HIV.

MONCHICHI!!!

This one is for Little Thingies because he is such a cry baby.

Look What I Found in the Basement!

Monchichi!
(Try to figure out which doll matches up to xcharlesbronsonx, little thingies, J and myself)

MONCHICHI!

Dude Looks Like a....Monchichi Doll?

I'm right now in Edmonton and saw J whom I haven't seen for about 2 1/2 years. He lost the shaggy hair and went from looking like a Hong Kong pop idol to a Japanese toy .

More Tales of My Dirty House

The kitchen is in better shape this week. Stuff gets put into the dishwasher more quickly and there is less crap left on the counter....well, on the top of it anyway. I was leaning on the counter today and when I pulled away my shirt was stuck to the counter so I had to PEEL MY SHIRT AWAY from the counter.

so i sent an email out to a few of you, but i don't know if you guys still use the same email address...so i'll just copy and paste to this blog.

bored at work or whatever it is that you are doing? this could be your lucky day b/c you can go through "art" and help me out!

recently i applied for Projekt30's gallery show for may 2006 in which only 30 artists will be participating. right now, all applicants' (and there's quite a few) art pieces are online for public voting. so through my calculations, i figured that in order for me to be part of the real show, i need to be one of the 30 people with the highest number of votes. so this all depends on you!

go to this website: http://www.projekt30.com/jury.html
and then go to "jury the exhibition" on the left. look for my name and give me a rating of 5 and all the others 1's! actually... just can skip everybody and once you see my name, give me a 5 so the others don't get any points from you guys. however, some of the people do have good stuff. but, i still only gave them a 2 or 3.
it may take awhile before you actually see my turn come up b/c the order of people is random but plllease do this for me b/c i need to whore my name around the art world and this would help me out.

because i applied to the show, Projekt30 also has given me a webspace. the site: www.daphnelo.30art.com

pretty pretty please vote for me. please take the time to go through all the pages of people and finding my name and giving me a highly suggested 5.
please send this to your family, your friends, people i know and don't know, people i forgot to send this email to...everybody! you all will be helping a good cause and i will love each and everyone of you...even more!

thanks everybody. hope you're all doing well.

daph

Minor Annoyance

There are two things in the news presently that annoy me. One, the Iran nuclear enrichment and two, the Duke Lacrosse team rape case.

1) Iran
The thing really gets me in this is the lack of a consistent Bush foreign policy. Iran does not even have nuclear weapons, and yet we allow a nut case country like North Korea to exist? Going to war with Iran will send oil prices sky high and will lead to a global recession, and not to mention 9/11 will look like kid's stuff.

2) Duke LAX
This case has Tawna Brawley written all over it. I predict that the Lacrosse team will be cleared, and conspiracy theories of a cover-up will abound. I would suggest that after all the hullaballoo, Duke University should sue the shit out of the D.A. for libel and defamation, and for good measure the accuser. People like this should not be allowed to exist.

Anyways, these two things are unimportant. What is important is my animal death match idea! Do you thing a Kodiak bear could fight 10 pitbulls? Or how about 20 bob cats fighting a male adult elephant? Or what about lion versus a rodeo bull? Those bulls are mean motherfuckers.

Paddling out in Rhode Island

My pal Darren went to RI last weekend. He came back with these pictures from a secret spot. Those left breaks look awesome. He told me it was breaking like that all day. I respect these guys so much knowing how flipping cold the water is. I feel like such a chump complaining about surfing in 58 degree water here. It is close to 50 degrees there, that is colder than cold.

If this is East Coast surf, then why isn't the NYC pos on this blog paddling out? Looks like an awesome place to go.

"Well Now, That is Some Fucked Up Shit Right There"

I watched what was possibly the greatest movie of my life last night. If you haven't watched "Slither" yet, I recommend putting down whatever it is that you're doing and going to the theatres to watch it immediately.

Go do it, I'll wait here for you.

All right, so you've watched it now? Now do you understand what I mean when I say that this movie is awesome? This campy horror movie has so many great one-liners that I'm going to make it my mission in life (at least for the next month or so) to work them into my everyday conversations. Particularily this one: "It's like looking for a needle in a fuck-stack."

Living in Squalor

While I adore my roommates they are either slobs or can't be bothered to help out (with the exception of one girl who is like me and fed up with the other two's messes) (I think I'm going to miss that roommate the most).

I am baffled by the inability of one girl to take the extra two steps to put something in the recycle bin which is IN THE KITCHEN and instead just leaves it on the counter. Or the other girl's inability to put stuff in the dishwasher and instead just leaves things in the sink. Two of her pots are currently in the sink that have been sitting there SINCE THE WEEKEND.

I have a theory that if those two lived by themselves the house would burn down because one of them forgot to turn off the stove and the fire would be fuelled by the un-wiped grease on the stovetop. Then the fire would spread to the rest of the kitchen because of the overflowing garbage that hadn't been taken out yet.

Joshua Tree National Park

I went to Joshua Tree National park this weekend with my better half. We hiked and climbed around boulders in the desert. Saw some neat rock formations (left: Skull Rock). We stayed in Palm Springs in a little Villa. Nothing funny or scandalous happened.

Kids ask the darndest things

So I had a little conversation with my colleague the other day:

Him: so who's your favorite tennis player?
Me: i don't really have one.
Him: what? you don't watch tennis on tv?
Me: well, not really.
Him: How do you learn to play then???

At that point, I was just like "huhhh?"

If i knew you could learn stuff just by watching how it's done on tv, I've been wasting my time. I could've learned to surf already just by sitting at a bar and watching those videos. It's just like The Matrix! Just get jacked in and away we go.

"I know kung-fu."

Let us all take five minutes ...

and pray for Little Thingies foot. Please do not let the gonnorhea spread further from his foot. Can I get AMEN! Can I get a PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!

Dinner

Last night me and my better half had dinner with C-rap and his lady friend. It was a tasty dinner at Las Olas the local mexican restaurant. I had a grilled fish torta, C-rap had rolled tacos, chixwithknives had a tostada, and the lady friend had baja fish tacos.

Anyways, the highlight of the evening was observing chixwithknives interacting with said lady friend. It was like watching a tooth extraction. Every question was answered by a single word response from C-rap's friend. Even loaded questions were answered with a single word. It was quite entertaining and painful at the same time.

For example the response to the question, "Who did you go to China with?" was answered with, "A group." Hello!!!???? It was like watching an adult talking to a little child. I have seen 12 year olds who had better skillz (i.e., JHR's son). Maybe she was shy, but at the age of 22 I would expect there to be some sort of conversational facilities. Even her body language suggested she was socially stunted. She was like a human Harlow monkey. On the drive home I wondered what those two talked about.

Mirrormask and my foot

Saw another interesting movie this weekend:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366780

You should check it out, very nice-looking film. It's a Jim Henson production, along the lines of Labrynth and the Dark Crystal. And speaking of Dark Crystal, I hear there's a sequel coming out or something.


In other news, i have some wierd but bite on my foot. It looks like it was stung by a jellyfish. Starting from the ball of my foot, it looks like i have the Puma symbol (the swooosh) going up my foot. It's wierd. I'm guessing i was bitten by a spider or something (I see no bite mark), no mosquito leaves a mark like that. The itchiness really sucks and it feels tender. But at least it's not infected or anything.

Any opinions from any doctors??

This morning I was awoken by a rumble. All the windows in the house shook. For a second I thought a large truck drove by my window. Then I th0ught "maybe it was an earthquake?" This seemed unlikely as the dog did not wig out. I checked the seismic activity government site and they reported no earthquakes for SD. Then I find out they are blowing shit up at the local marine base 50 miles away. SHIT! That is one enormous mortar blast.

More Golden Bear memories of Hub Mall ...

I am going to start posting Space Moose comics for my entries. So much more entertaining. I really miss hanging out at Hub Mall. Where else can you make fun of all those freakin' Koreans? I have heard some of the most idiotic conversations from that race. For example, one time a Korean girl (who's name I will not mention) rationalized to me that that it was God's will that she failed her chem mid-term. WTF????? It is more like she did not study and spent all her time in the library socializing with the other low-life Koreans.

Timeout

I realize there's a lot of aggression and broken dreams on this site. Some of you need a timeout so I refer you to this site:

http://www.cuteoverload.com/

Just relax and take it all in.

A PhD in defecation

For all of us Golden Bears out there ....