This One is Also Sung in the Key of FUCK YEAH!

The Spice Girls are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN, MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 4 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Ms. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

source

This one is sung in the key of FUCK YEAH!

The Verve are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 38 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Mr. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

FUCK YEAH! It is 1997 all over again!!!!!

I Never Meet Any Normal Guys

The background story: I made tentative plans with EQ on Wednesday for today, Sunday. He wasn't sure if he was free but he said he'd let me know by Friday what the deal was. I didn't hear from him all week until 7:48pm today via text message.

Hey Heidi sorry about today. Ended up helping my friend with the bbq

Wow. It's almost spectacular; I've never met a guy before that cared just enough to contact the girl after standing her up and after such a serious length of lag time. Have any of you guys ever pulled such a shithead of a move before?

Picture from Mud Run '07

We were THOSE GUYS! (i.e., Did you see THOSE GUYS? or THOSE GUYS think they are really funny! or I wish THOSE GUYS would shut the fuck up!"). In reality it was more like, "THOSE GUYS kicked our asses in the race."

What a riot!!

Ok, you guys will not believe this, J actually made a joke that i laughed at. We were talking about people stuck at our company X for life (this place has the tendency to trap you in a dead-end dept that you'll never escape). I call it the IT effect. You know what J called it?

Life without payroll

Get it??? YUK YUK YUK! He must be drinking on the job again to come up with zingers like that!

A Good Day

Friday was a day full of Good Times. Highlights include:

• Eating oatmeal cookies for breakfast
• Look, I know I said I'd give up junk food, but it's hard, okay?
  
• Getting paid
• Getting off work at 3:00
  
• Going to Medieval Times for my very first time with Pru-bert for Z's grade one graduation
• There's something kind of fun about eating half a roasted chicken with just my bare hands
• Our knight lost nearly all his challenges, but he still gets an E for effort
  
• Going to Schmooze afterwards. The place with the $2.50 Happy Hour and where LT and his friend got denied entrance that one time because they didn't have collared shirts on
• Went and met up with EQ
  
• Got hit on by EQ's bi-sexual female friend
• Finally conquering the Gardiner Expressway and Lakeshore Boulevard for driving around downtown Toronto

Hair club for men ...

My age is catching up to me. My hair is thinning on top of my head. This is really depressing. I don't think there are any cool bald people. Case in point: Phil Collins. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantastic Four - Rise of the Vomit in my Mouth

I cannot stress enough how much I hated this movie. If ever there was a movie that could be described as "all the good parts are shown in the trailer," this is it. The only way I can describe this turd- pointless. The Silver Surfer character is so pointless, they could've written him out of the story (but then they wouldn't have a reason for making this shit). He just mumbles a few lines, Jessica Alba stands around looking hot, Dr. Doom shoots lightning bolts, and hell comes to Earth in the shape of a giant fart cloud.

This is Galactus

This ISN'T Galactus

I'd rather sit at home with 2 cocks in my mouth, so none for this movie.

Self explanatory post.

Store in Bird Rock neighborhood.

Bedtime stories

Here's a conversation over email i had the other day with Hawaiian Five-O (she had bolted straight up in bed the previous night):

Me: Was i dreaming or did you really suddenly wake up last night and yell "SHIT" because my farts were really bad?

Her: no !! you were not dreaming!! i woke up by your stinky farts once AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost puke!!! =p

Me: i thought you yelled SHIT because we both forgot to wake up or something. But then i smelled how bad the farts were under the covers and realized that's what you were screaming about. that's so funny..

Her: no .. i asked you "did you fart again?" you said "NOoo" and i thought i smelled something funny from outside so i tried covered my face with the blanket ... then i realized no!!! it is really your fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i almost gonna throw away the blanket!!!!!!!!!!! this is not funny!! this is the second time i woke up by your stinkie fart!! >_<~~~~~~

The two sock monkeys ....

in HK are threatening me with great bodily harm this September. After I stated the events of fitness to be, one of them said he was going to have to excuse himself. The excuse being that he wanted to be the photographer for those events. I am calling you out as a Person Under Severe Stress Yo (aka PUSSY)!

"And Four, You've Been Yelled At!"

The girl on the left is one of my friends that took a picture as well. And if you look beyond her you can make out a large barrel-shaped security guard getting ready to yell at us.

Cupcakes!

I Don't Take Very Good Pictures

This is probably my most interesting picture from my NY trip. Unless you want to see a picture of Magnolia cupcakes.

The good shit ...

Another photo from our kid brother. I wonder what she is thinking?

Verbatim

For my summer job I'm the lackey to the three in-house lawyers which I shall henceforth refer to as Number 1, Number 2 and Number 3, as based on their seniority. Number 1's secretary absolutely drives me crazy. She's a nice woman but with every conversation I have with her I can feel myself aging. She goes into so much detail it's as if she's giving me the play-by-play of her thought process.

The other day we had to edit some proxy forms and when she brought me her revisions this is what she said:

In the old copy, the address was on three lines. But with this copy I put everything on the same line.

Review: 28 Weeks Later

As a standard zombie-survival movie, this movie is pretty kickass. Non-stop gore and lots of visceral, frantic action. As a sequel though, it falls pretty short of the original. In the original, it wasn't the zombies you needed to be afraid of, but your fellow man and human nature itself. This one forgets all of that and just includes plenty of sniper-on-zombie hot loving action.

But there are 2 complete lapses in logic (required to advance story) that i found to be completely distracting. And while the first one featured a memorable eye-gouging, why is it done repeatedly here for no apparent reason?

They recycle the music from the the first one as well. While the first one started as subtle background music gradually increasing to a full climax by the end, this time it's just played at full blast from the get go. Don't know why anyone would care to know that, but it made the pacing feel awkward. Climax-worthy action as soon as the movie starts.

And HSBC HQ was featured so prominently in many scenes, I was waiting for them to blow the shit out of it. Sorta like how they assploded Toronto City Hall in Resident Evil 2. Also, I haven't seen the helicopter so effectively used since Underworld: Evolution. That's cinema gold right there.

If you're not busy stroking cock this weekend, go watch it.

Good Food

I should've taken a picture of the lobster bisque P made. Anyway, it was great.

My Summer Begins

Just settled in at Pru-bert's place. I'm staying here for the summer while I'm working. I can look forward to 3 1/2 months of glorious paycheques and no exams. Good times indeed!

Review: Spiderman 3

Just goes to show critics have inexplicably bad taste (Crash anyone??) and probably some form of ADD. To people saying this movie is a tear-fest Spiderman 90210 - f u. Why didn't you gag during Spiderman 2 when MJ says "but i've always been standing at your door"? If you enjoyed the previous movies, you can't say this one is inferior. It's more of the same, just a lot more.

The drama between Peter/MJ/Harvey is as you'd expect, just a continuation of the previous movies. Dancing dark Peter is awesome, MJ is sweet as usual, and Harvey gets his deserved spotlight. The villains aren't as satisfying as Green Goblin or Dr. Octopus, but they get the job done. Redemption and forgiveness are the themes here. The action is completely over the top, if only a little more physics-defying - Spiderman seems to be a weightless ragdoll most of the time.

Don't want to spoil anything about Topher Grace (I'm sure most already know who he plays). Sure he's able to play an asshole and be funny, but he's seriously miscast here. He's a twerp and not threatening at all.

Watch out for Bruce Campbell, proving once again why he deserves to be a huge star.

Don't be gay, go watch it.

Krabi, Thailand: Part 1

Some photos from my vacation, just shots i quickly picked out because my parents wanted to see.

More photos and stories to come at a later date!

Back to the Student Ghetto Life

I'm leaving E-town tonight and will be in K-Hole by tomorrow morning and then I'll be leaving for T-Dot on Saturday. As I'm packing up my suitcase I'm rummaging through the cupboards to see what food I can take back with me since I don't have any groceries in my apartment. I just stole 4 cans of Campbell's chicken noodle soup and a box of green tea.

My ride this weekend.

Went to SF this weekend. Jen's friends own Cary Grant's Sunbeam Tiger. He drove me around town in it. We went to Muir Woods in the Tiger. I felt like Dustin Hoffman as we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. Hung out in Noe Valley, Mission, East Bay and Haight. Jen's friend is Airforce Jump and Rescue. Apparently, they are way harder than a Navy Seal. This guy could kill a bear with his bare hands while jumping out of a exploding helicopter.

Brain test

Someone answer this:

You have 32 teams, how many games are played in total if each team plays against every other team twice?

Me and J arrived at the same answer using different methods even though he thought my logic was flawed. We have PhD's, doctors, lawyers, bankers, designers, engineers, etc, i wanna see how each person comes up with the answer (edit) from scratch without looking up the formula.

Hot Fuzz

Don't be gay, go see it.

Korean collective guilt and pride

NPR had a report this morning about the South Korean reaction to the shooting at VT - a collective guilt hangs over the country. A similar reaction was observed for Korean stem cell scientist Hwang Woo-suk when he was exposed as a dipshit. On the flip side, prior to the Science paper being discredited a collective national pride was the zeitgeist. This sort of behavior gave the impression the general populace were right next to him in the laboratory and that the national IQ had increased 20 points.

From a cultural sociological view point, it is very interesting to observe the consequences of such coat tail riding behavior on a national level. As a personal aside, I saw this growing up with Koreans in college and high school. Individual success in their community was viewed as collective success. This sort of life view led to hilarity often. I heard this type of rationalization multiple times, a variant being, "I got a 2 in organic chem, but John Park from my church got a 9." One wonders if this sort of behavior and thinking is an outgrowth of the Korean church, which has a vastly different set of values from the traditional Anglo-Saxon Calvinist institution.

Bottom line is, fucking Koreans again fucking it up for all other Asians. Hey LT, tell all your Korean friends to read this entry.

Fuck art, let's dance ...

Pieces of art I got in the mail today. Neil Blender originals.

Initial D

I just saw Initial D on DVD last night. It was SHIT. Oh my God, it sucked so bad. I fast forwarded through much of the film. It was total shit.

On the DVD, there was an ad for "Chiseen." Apparently a Jackass version for HK. Have any of you seen it? Is it funny? Or just retarded?

Someone kill the word "Chinglish"

Read this article on a Chinglish art exhibit.

Is it appropriate that these people glorify the bastardization of their official language? It's bad enough that kids here speak like they've snorted too many pixie sticks grown on a China farm. Now, you might ask what is my right to complain about a language that I myself speak like a retard? It's the same as how a Christian can tell you evolution is wrong.

When you're watching mainstream Chinese media, you'll notice them randomly insert english words into perfectly inane dialog as if to increase their buzzword bingo points. Well, more like chinglish points. It's as if they want to achieve breakthroughs on multiple cultural fronts for purposes of a chinese/english synergistic fusion in order to solidify a holistic, paradigm shifting, framework if only to proclaim themselves as proactively seeking a sustainable solution...Chinese 2.0!!!

But anyways, when a CBC or ABC inserts english words into his sentences, it's because we don't know the chinese word. This isn't an art form, it's a lack of language skills on our part. So if a HK person uses an english word for lack of a better chinese word, AND they're from HK, I can only assume they're retarded. You don't see me using french in place of english. It just shows I have no language etiquette.

Tales from the Library

I think the dominant gene of curmudgeon-ness that runs in our family has finally blossomed in me. I've been in the law library studying for exams since last week and nothing enrages me more than undergrads in the law library. They need to get the hell out of the graduate students' libraries; it's exam time and we need a quiet place to study and there are a limited number of tables and chairs. The corollary should be that students that actually belong to the faculty should have priority.

Furthermore, why are there undergrads in the law library to begin with? Are they vying for bragging rights? "Oh my gosh, I'm so studious that I study with the law students." And what kind of losers out there would actually be impressed by that? Or is it simply the case that these jailbaits are hoping desperately to land a law student so that they can become tacky trophy wives? I have to say, if that is the case, they need to put a little more thought into their wardrobe. Their "sexily tousled" hairdos and "seductive and come-hither" make-up make them like eastern European streetwalkers.

Empty Fridge

Oh crap. I just realized that I HAVE to go buy groceries after I leave the library tonight. I haven't gone yet for this week and I don't think I have enough in my fridge to last me till Monday since stores are closed Easter Sunday. I think even I have my limits on how many times I can handle eating a ghetto meal of peanut butter and brown rice.

Oh, don't give me that look. Like you're at all surprised that I eat peanut butter and brown rice together.

This Bud's for You

I feel as though I've let the family name down. ADR Prof took the class out for a round of drinks and after one pint I am at home, tipsily sitting in front of my computer and carefully pecking out this post with great focus and concentration. I was thisclose to asking out this guy in my class before I realized that it was the alcohol making him look good.

A season in hell ...

Another pic from our kid brother. The entrance to the forest in front of our parent's house has never looked so evil.

My kid brother the photographer.

Edmonton at dusk.

UFO in my bedroom.

The electrician came this morning to install our Le Klint light fixture. We hung the light in the corner of our bedroom. In the background you can see that spring has arrived. The marine layer comes fast and thick.

Ding Dong - Sounds from my b-school journey

Goddamn. Over the last 2 months, I've read 6 of these damn sentences...

"Inclusive of your admission interview, your application received the careful consideration of our Admissions Committee. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you admission to the Class of 2009."

WTF!?!? Here are the dings in order of appearance, Dartmouth, NYU, UMich, Columbia, Cornell and Chicago. HOLY SHIT!!

Now I have to wait another month for Duke and Yale.

I'm depressed.

Guns and Fun - From my cold dead hands...

Just got back from weekend in Las Vegas.

Mega fun at this place - http://www.lasvegasgunrange.net/

Shot an M16, Israeli Uzi, Swedish K, MP-5K and an USP.45.

Ridiculous.

I'm now a certified gun-toting Republican.

Who wants to see photos of my trip to the Middle East?

I'm gonna make my pics public for about a week and then take they private.

http://picasaweb.google.com/jlocanada

Shut up Tarantino

I'm assuming most of you saw Casino Royale and agree it's a very entertaining movie. I haven't had that much fun at a movie for a while.

But check out what Tarantino had to say about it: article

Someone needs to give him a shot of STFU. That's awesome how filming the movie like how the book was written is his original idea. Sorta like how the pretentious Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill are original genres he invented because he's much more cinematically enlightened than the rest of us? Someone get that douchebag back in a Blockbuster store because that's where he belongs.

Vegetarian Birthday

Why is no one else posting on the blog? Don't make me come over there. Anyway, happy birthday to the vegetarian running machine that is CB. Go eat some vegan birthday cake!

Seriously, What's Wrong with People?

Who would eat a hamburger that uses Krispy Kreme donuts as its buns??? I can get behind the idea of something like a bread pudding that uses donuts, but hamburgers?

Note: All my recent food posts are because I'm on a diet and I've reached the point where I'm obsessed with food.

source

Public Pet Peeves

I noticed there are a lot of things that set me off in the morning. While taking the subway to work, i hate people that:

1) Talk non-stop on their phone; it's 8 o'fucking'clock, how much could you possibly have to talk about?
2) Make out with their bf/gf. Again it' 8AM in the morning, you're both wearing your office attire, is there a need for PDA? Whatever you did last night, we don't want any hint whatsoever. This isn't junior high anymore you fucktards, it's not cool to show everyone you have a bf/gf.
3) People that think I'd love to share their newspapers with them. Yeah, I love reading about the latest gossip about karaoke singers first thing in the morning because your arm span violates my personal bubble.

I'd love to show any one of these people what I have in my pocket for them.

When I get to the office, there's a moment of dread before i open the door to my floor. Remember in American Psycho, Patrick Batman is like "relief washes over me in an awesome wave"? Well, it's the opposite for me. The expectation of the IT smell is hitting me in a horrifying wave of pestilence.

What about you guys?

So Cute!

Holy crap! When I get my own place I'm buying these! Except I'd do something psychotic like have a bowlful of these heads sitting out on my coffee table.

source

Acid Burn

So my new diet consists of eating more veggies either raw, grilled or steamed and only using vinegar, lemon juice or mustards as condiments. Much like J, I have a dislike for veggies and the only way I'm getting through this is by liberally dousing my veggies in balsamic vinegar. Actually it's not "dousing" so much as it's "making balsamic vingegar soup with veggies floating around in it". I'm wondering if at my next check-up my doctor will think I'm bulimic.

Deathtrap

Holy crap! We had freezing rain last night and everything in K-Hole is right now either a giant sheet of ice or a giant slush puddle. Since there' s a career fair today, I'm wearing my fancy boots that only have aesthetic value and I nearly killed myself just walking down my front steps. I managed to pitifully walk one block before finding a cab. My actual thought process while walking was: "I am going to die walking to civil procedure class, that's not fair! At least I have clean underwear on. Oh, praise, Jebus! A cab!"

Pencil, oh pencil ...

I have been using a Dixon Ticonderoga H pencil this week for working out shitty filter equations. Typically, I use a keyboard for the majority of the time at work. This week I noticed the skin on my right thumb is flaking off. Using the pencil has soaked up all the moisture in the areas of my hand that contact the pencil. Does this happen to anyone else? The flaking is so bad that when I got lemon juice on my thumb it hurt like getting my gonads stomped. Well maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.

It Smells Like a Turd Covered in Burnt Hair

So I was cleaning out CB's and CwK's fridge this morning and CB and I came across this yogurt that had been in there since March of last year. I nearly freaked out when I saw what was in the container. It was this weird, lumpy grey mass that just smelt "like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food."

Home Depot

Yo, a big shout-out of happy birthday to that door stop from Home Depot, Heidi! What what, can i get a what what.

Yes, too much drinking with the uk boys and girls.

It's Going to Be a Long Semester: Part Deux

The past few weeks of school have been so long and horrible that I sometimes just expect to find in my mailbox a letter that reads along the lines of:

Dear Heidi,

Fuck you.

Kisses,
The Universe

Update: Today was another harrowing day. I think the letter will now probably read as:

FUCK YOU. SUCK ON IT.
[obscene drawing]

A Little Unknown Fact

I'm going to San Diego to visit CB and CwK next week for my Reading Week. I'm quite excited to work on my tan and hasten my chances of getting skin cancer. But until I'm actually there I thought I'd share this not commonly known fact about San Diego: "It was discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina."

Chariots , full of nerds, of Fire

I really need to know: Do people run around in your office?

I seriously have no idea why the nerds in my office run around when the distance is only like 5-10 meters at the most. Are they like trying to fit in some exercise at the office or something? Are they in that big of a hurry that they can't waste the 5 extra seconds if they were walking instead?

And if they insist on running, why do they run like that? Are the flailing arms really necessary?

Maybe they really do see Jimbo and Neslon running after them, if only they knew who they were. Cultureless bastards.

What the hell?

What the hell has happened to Edmonton?

Namely, when did the standard of journalistic writing go to the shits?

You Know You're a Poor Student When...

...you consider it a splurge to turn the thermostat up by 5 degrees celsius during a snowy Canadian winter.

This is What I Dream About

LT's drawing inspired me to unleash my inner artiste.

Blog migration

Ok, I just migrated the blog over to Google because I imagine sooner or later I'd be forced to anyways. And also to ignore their stupid reminders when logging on.














For some reason, I don't see most of you listed as contributors but you are still on the list when I view the admin pages. Don't know what's going on, but fuck it, hopefully it'll fix itself.

music vid of the year goes to ooioo umo

Go here to watch it. Pretty batty weird.

Children of Crap

I just watched Children of Men and I have to say it's easily one of the worst films I've watched this year. And considering I watched Material Girls that says a lot. During the movie I actually felt enraged and wanted to walk out because of the camera work. From start to finish the camera never stopped shaking once and I got a headache at the 10-minute mark and felt like walking out at the 30-minute mark.

That movie stole two hours of my life!

Fucking Prayers!

Going to see my new favorite San Diego band this weekend. The Prayers is the sound of NOW. I am just happy that the new scene in SD does not include the new faux cool kids. The internerd made it easier for all the kooks to come find our scene. Fucking Champs on Friday. This weekend is going to rule so hard. My bronchitis is going away, thus I can drink again.

Veggie-Tales

In an effort to eat more healthy food I bought a tomato for the first time in my life the other day.
Yes, I'm aware that it's a fruit.

Lassie come home.

I am still sick in bed. It is 11:30 am and I am bed ridden. The bedroom smells of death. I went to work yesterday thinking I was better, I may have infected the office instead. I am bored and there is no food in the house. Just me and the dog at home. It is cloudy and cold outside my bedroom window.

The Miracle Worker

Holy crap, I think CB cured me of my habit of non-stop eating of junk food. I don't have the urge to eat cookies for dinner anymore. Praise Jebus!

Iron Chef: Part II

Thursday's dinner: Eggplant with basil; snow peas and fake-meat; and salt and pepper shrimp.

I made the rice; I washed it and put it in the rice cooker and everything! God, I really hope I end up marrying a chef. If not, I'll be eating sandwiches everyday for the rest of my life.

Iron Chef

I'm in San Diego for my winter break right now with xCharlesBronsonx and Chixwknives. So far it's been Good Times.

CB is pretty handy in the kitchen and his meals are pretty yummy. For the rest of my time here I'm going to blog about the meals he's prepared.

• Monday: Blended roasted red pepper sauce with seafood over linguine
• Tuesday: Portobello mushrooms stuffed with cilantro, pine nuts, seafood and breadcrumbs

I propose that the next time CB, LT, J and myself are together we have a cook-off. Okay, CB, LT and J can cook off, I'll just wash the dishes because that's just how my OCD flies.

Life in the Student Ghetto Part II

It's exam time again and for the past few weeks I've been too lazy/tired to cook real food. Wait, that's a lie. I'm too lazy/tired all the time to cook real food, but during exam time I have an excuse for it.

My diet thus far has consisted of Sweet and Salty Almond Granola Bars, Spicy Peanut Satay flavoured tuna and the occasional order of poutine. If you guys ever come across the tuna in the grocery store I highly recommend it. Yeah, it kind of looks like a tin of cat food, but it's extremely delicious.

And the answer to your question is "No, I'm not turning into a fat-ass while I'm in school and eating nothing but crap. I joined the gym and go to step class regularly."

Don Diva Mag

Check this out - http://www.dondivamag.com/

I especially like the link to the "Sticky Page" near the bottom of their homepage.

Apple Commercial Geek

Check this out. Looks funny. I'm gonna buy it.

http://areasofmyexpertise.com/

BAT SHIT CRAZY!

Like I have always said, peeps in Hong Kong are motherfucking crazy. How evil do you have to be to do this kind of shit. Judge needs to put her and her own son away for life. You don't want those crazy genes out there. I would at least petition to have her ovaries removed. Crazy bitch.

I Just Came Up with This Year's X-Mas Card for Our Parents

Update: Little Thingies requested that I repost and give J a haircut. Who knew he cared so much about J's hair?

Countdown to Exams

Four 100%-weighted exams. Shit.

Things overheard ...

Sunday morning 7 a.m. while changing into my wetsuit at Pipes I heard this yelling, "DON'T MAKE ME! MAKE YOU! LOOK LIKE A PUSSY IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!!!" The "me" and "you" was emphasized and elongated for full dramatic effect.

I turned to peek who said that and it was two surfer Spicoli types. Classic So Cal.

If you don't know who Spicoli is, I feel sorry for you man.

Life in the Student Ghetto

My only decoration is my Hello Kitty calendar.

As an added bonus, here's a picture of my empty fridge. I need to buy groceries.

Deep Throat

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

My God...

Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you...Tommy Lee Jones as seen by the Japanese.

Silly pig, doritos are for me

Seriously, what is up with Stinkie? I lent a dvd to one of my other colleagues and he brought it back yesterday. Stinkie went up to him, talked about the movie for a bit, and just took it. No, he didn't bother asking me if he could borrow it, he just took it. I turned around and asked him "you taking that home?"

And he single-handedly ate a tube of special Pringles from our friday meeting snack stash. Another colleague went to england and brought that back, they were actually quite good. But this sucker just finished off the whole thing himself. The kicker is that he never donates money to the snack fund, even i do for shit's sake. This is his usual practice: take food from the stash, take my doritos with his grubby hands, or waits until someone is on leave before going to their desk and taking their food. And every once in a while, someone will ask "where the hell did all the snacks go? Are the janitors stealing our food???"

This type of behavior just blows my mind. And his shirt/pants? Still the same ones; 90 days and counting since the last time he probably washed them.

Straight out of Canton.

Who are these guys -Down Lo Mein, HK Fever, Hunan Bomb? The beats and rhymes are dope.
Do the NY peeps on here (i.e., Shorter_Name) know them? Are they friends with Live from NY? I need to know. I usually dislike Asian ethnic humor (i.e., that space monster Margarent Cho, that one guy from Mad TV), but this is quite funny. HK Fever's accent is so on the money, it sounds like Bruce Lee from Enter the Dragon.

BANANAS

Have you peeps seen this? This is such awesomeness. No more squashed bananas for lunch. However, it does sort of look obscene.

Bitches!

What's going on here bitches? I see this site has reached its first anniversary.

So what's new bitches?!!

Muslim Veils

If these jack asses cannot adapt to their guest countries' norms and traditions, maybe they should go back home. No one is forcing them to stay in Australia or England for that matter. I think the underlying message he is really saying is that Muslim men are savages and cannot keep their genitals in check.

While I am on my soap box, why did Madonna not just give the father money to raise the child. I do not see Bono, Bill and Melinda Gates, Oprah adopting children. The English should boot her out of their country. Send her back to Detroit with her fake ass English accent.

I just opened Pandora's box

So in my department, we have a stash of junk food and drinks for our Friday meetings (casual affairs where we discuss things). The food is bought with money donated by some of us, but of course not everyone contributes to the fund.

Stinky, who happens to sit beside the stash, is always going to crazy town on that shit. His contributions to the fund are obvious as I wouldn't write this entry if otherwise. Every so often, someone will make the comment "what the hell happened to all the food? Is someone stealing it??" Think about the trouble of going to buy this shit during lunch time and you can imagine my annoyance.

I'm always hungry in the office, so i bought bags of doritos. I made the mistake of sharing them one day. Some acted like the Flanders' kids on pixie sticks for the very first time; they were like WOW. Stinky just came back for more and more like he does whenever i have candy or whatever. And the thought of his grubby hands in there...yech. Given his history, I don't think i can ever eat doritos in peace.

I WANT DORITOS IN THE OFFICE BUT I CAN'T!!!! YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HERE??? AARGGGGH WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD??? !@#$#%

Can I say how awesome this is ...

Comments please.

"Everyone in this Room is Now Dumber for Having Listened to It"

When Little Thingies said that he'd just ordered three of Adam Sandler's movies on Amazon, I immediately thought of the above quote and laughed until I fell out of my chair. Then when I picked myself off of the floor I remembered this Smoking Gun article that was passed around a while ago and fell out of my chair laughing again.

My goal in life after I get out of law school is to use the same quote in a similar context somehow and somewhere.

Ghost busting in the 858

We went to Whaley House this weekend in Old Town. The house is said to be the most haunted house in North America. I started the evening off with two gin and tonics at home. This was followed by a double shot margarita. We were now ready. We saw NOTHING!!! We each payed $10 to go in. Such a let down. Afterwards we drank some more next door. BAH!

It's Miller Time!!! Or Milwaukee's Best time..

It's the start of Mid-Autumn Festival here and we just had our little office party. I joked to the secretary we should get beer...and she took me seriously like I hoped. Anyways, I'm drinking at the office right now and it's giving me a different perspective on life...like what the hell am I doing here when I should be at a real bar??

No need for terrorists!

Let me give you an idea of the kind of people I'm dealing with in HK. So i have nice hand towels in the washroom. Like the expensive kind that feel nice on your skin. I placed it in a towel bowl (actually, a nice dinner bowl) so it would make the washroom attractive. Some people came in to work on the washroom yesterday. I assume it went something like this:

"We need something to wipe this shit up...oh what's this? Perfect!"

When dad came to check on them, they were like wiping the floor with my towel although there were raggedy cleaning towels in plain site.

Oh yeah, you know how AC units have an little trapper to collect exhaust water and send it down a tube? The people that installed it, they figured if they use tape to attach the trapper, it would be good enough. Sure enough, the trap just fell off, just hanging by a little piece of tape. So i didn't even realize my AC unit was pouring water down onto the apartment front door below until i was wondering what all that splashing sound was.

Dad put it best. If these were the types of people that built airplanes, how safe would you feel?

UPDATE: So I was right. At first it was just too impossibly stupid to be true. When i told my dad, he didn't believe me people could be so retarded. Not only did the AC technician improperly install the water trap, he improperly installed the WHOLE FUCKING THING. When i looked at the AC, it looked like it was being held up by scrap, rotting, wooden pegs. But i thought it was just my tired eyes seeing things. I also noticed how the AC was awkwardly pointing upwards; I thought maybe all AC units do that now for more efficient cooling of the room. But another technician came in today and said "yup, that's fucked up, those wooden legs aren't even the right height." He had to pull the whole thing out and properly reinstall it.

So, if a strong typhoon had hit HK, it could've probably blew the AC off its legs where the shock would've probably caused it to bounce around before falling 5 floors down. But I guess people throwing boiling soy sauce and other random shit out the window wouldn't be surprised by a falling AC unit.

So the lesson you should learn here is that if you ever have to do renovations in HK, make sure you're there to supervise it. If possible, you should have a gun pointed at their heads while they do so. Otherwise they'll just F you in the A.

Indian Summer

Summer is still here. Nothing to report on this front. Work, surf, eat, sleep. Life is such. Ordered a new surfboard for the winter. Should come in 7 weeks.

Going to go see the Brian Jonestown Massacre tonight. The Tyde are opening. Should be good.

Lord of the Flies

Nothing really new to report on my end, except that I still think my ex is a selfish asshole and that I have fruit flies in my apartment.

I think the fruit flies came about when I opened up a cantelope a few weeks and failed to dispose of the rinds and guts right away. A can of Raid and a few sheets of flypaper later, I think I've taken care of most of the bugs. But now I'm scared to leave organic garbage out and the garbage disposal area in my building is seriously sketchy and has an even worse problem with flies. So I've settled for putting all my organic waste in a baggie in my freezer and tossing it out on garbage day. So if you ever come over to my place, the ice cream is next to the bag of frozen banana peels and egg shells. Yes, I'm aware of how disgusting that is.

Invasion...

Ok, since activity is dying down on both blogs, I'm recommending to start shit with the other blog: Drunken Amigos.

Same rules apply, no usage of real names. Feel free to point out stupidity when you spot it.

More Tales from HeidiLand

After this summer I don't think I'm going to live with roommates ever again; I end up feeling aggravated and pissed after the whole experience. But the thing is, after having issues with two of my Kingston roommates and now my Toronto roommates, I'm not sure if I have shitty luck or if I'm just a be-yotch.

My Toronto roommates are friends that I knew from before, one guy and girl who are dating each other. I'm not sure but I think I offended them off at some point because they usually act like I just pissed in their Corn Flakes whenever I try to engage them in conversation. They usually don't communicate directly with me, it's just indirect conversations laced with passive-aggression.

Highlights of my living experience with them include:

• I was tanning in the backyard and when I came back into the house the guy had left a note asking me to clean the bathrooms. I have no problem doing my share of the housework but what's with the note? After knowing each other for 1 1/2 years are we not close enough for you to make the effort of opening the screen door and walking 10 steps in order to have a direct conversation?
• One night I was watching tv in the living room, which is directly beside the front door, and they both left to spend the night at their respective family homes. The only reason I knew neither would be coming home that night was because I overheard their conversation earlier. The living room is only three feet away from the front door. They didn't call out goodbye as they left the house either.
• For a goodbye party I arranged a night out with some friends and had mentioned it earlier to them. A few days before I asked the girl if she and the guy were planning on coming. She turned around to the guy, who was beside her, and asked "what time are we leaving for the cottage?" The guy responded "I want to leave in the afternoon." And then the girl turned back to me and just looked at me without saying anything.
  

Why do I feel like I'm going to turn into that crazy cat-lady from The Simpsons?

I love the smell of napalm in the morning ...

It had been a weird year and it is not even over yet.

For a while I was 33 years old, unemployed and living in my parent's basement. I can blame my reversal of fortunes squarely upon Agent Quach of DHS. The v.c. motherfucker denied me entry into the U.S. Homeboy could barely speak english. I should of asked him how it feels to work for the government that napalmed his entire family. Because of midget man, we had to cancel our reception. On the flip side, I still got to go to Europe.

Every night I pray that Agent Quach catches HIV or SARS.

Just another one of those WTF just happened???

Ok, you guys help me intepret what happened to me yesterday.

I just finished buying groceries from the store down the street from home. I'm wearing shorts, running shoes, have a backpack on, and carrying stuff on both arms. So here i am walking back home; as i reach home, i noticed a kid ahead of me look me straight in the eye with a wierd smirk on his face. He couldnt' have been older than 20. Of course i don't think anything of it.

As i walk halfway up the stairs, suddenly he comes up and is like (in chinese), "excuse me sir, how big are your feet?" I'm like "huh??? uhh....size 9." He then proceeds to grab my ankle, lift my leg off the ground, and tries taking my left shoe off. He's like "just wanna check." I'm like WTF!?!? and slam my foot down. He then scurries off like a gawdamn rat.

So what was it?

1. He was really trying to steal my shoe (although a really bad attempt)
2. He was hoping i'd drop my groceries by making me run after him with one shoe on...where he would then proceed to steal my groceries?
3. As i ran after him, maybe someone was waiting around the corner to clock me? And then they could steal all my stuff?
4. He really did wanna know my shoe size because my shoes look so good on me? (just my old NB runners)
   

It could've been possible he followed me home because while I take one path home, he could've ran the other path so that he'd meet me head-on.

At any rate, while he was crouching down trying to take my shoe off, i should've said "hail to the king baby" and then kick him down the stairs.

Discuss.

This goes out to my balls

Awesome, the secretary finally came through for me and allowed me to take a chair meant for managers. It's not that i got promoted to manager (although i should have their gawdamn jobs...all of them combined). The cheap office chair i was using was so bad that it got to the point where i had nerve pains in my crotch where it would proceed to blaze a path down my left leg, do a sharp asian-lady-driver 180 degree turn up the same leg, back across my crotch, and into my lower back where the pains would perform River Dance and set another yet another record for the most taps in a 1 minute span.

With this new chair, the turn-around is not so much a sharp 180 turn, but more of a gentle uturn performed by an experienced driver. The move on my back is not so much a Michael Flatley, but a light-hearted jig.

What company would knowingly provide chairs that do this? oh i know!

It's Too Quiet in Here

Since there's been no activity in here for so long I'm just going to blog about something random. Look what I made Friday night! It's made up of concentric circles of white chocolate cheesecake and milk chocolate cheesecake.

And if you're thinking in your head "This is what you do on Friday nights? Instead of going out and socializing?" My answer is "No. I went out Saturday night so I took it easy on Friday. Jackass."

Party in Two Months

Who's going to San Diego in August? There's no excuse not to go. This is the perfect opportunity for all of to get together and get drunk and throw XCharlesBronsonX into the ocean.

Meanwhile, I'm sick of hockey and soocer. I wish there was a dodgeball tournement on tv instead.

Chuck!!

Got a new suit! Just in time for the wedding banquet although I probably won't be needing it for the damn zoo.

And Chuck F'ing Norris!

Wedding in LA

Went to Martin of Giant Robot magazine fame wedding yesterday. Pretty good times. They had ice cream for us during the ceremony. The Ray Barbee band played background music for the ceremony. Daniel Wu was there with his partner. He looks much shorter in real life. He chain smoked the entire time. Hung out at Bill the Bear's house after the ceremony and met a singer from some band. She cursed like a sailor. I cannot believe she used to be an english teacher. Her vocabulary consisted of the words: Fuck!; Man!; Dude!

At the reception they had 2 punk bands play. I have never seen 300 old chinese people move their asses so fast. The first band emptied out the room like a bad fart.

The Boredom at Work is Killing My Soul

So I started my summer job this week and so far it's been a little underwhelming. Yesterday I literally opened a file and spread it out across my desk and opened a spreadsheet on my computer and then proceeded to daydream for the next 7.5 hours because I had nothing to do. Well, I guess to be fair, I did do some work. I updated my resume.

Things are this slow at the office because my supervisor is busy with his own projects and while he did assign me a project it's not going anywhere because he has to get back to me on something. So until I hear back from him I'm free to update resumes for people.

I was doin this shit when you was shittin Pampers

I just wanted to see that phrase on the internet yo!

This is what happens when you steal ....

Read this webpage, this poor guy had his Sidekick stolen. Very entertaining.

Assholes

What is up with the following assholes? They are all Canadian citizens, and yet they want destroy the country that granted them citizenship. These assholes should be grateful that Canada is what it is. They should be shipped back to some god forsaken middle eastern shithole to learn what hard times really are. Because of the wealth of the nation, the lesiure time granted to these dickheads results in this sort of extra curricular activity. Back in the old country they would be dodging IED's, death squads, building mud huts etc ... Some people just cannot handle leisure time (see Bertrand Russell for a cogent discussion of "leisure"). At the same time, a majority of the blame also falls upon the parents. Certain people should be sterilized, better yet, send them to permanent re-education camps.

P.S. The Great Decider should note that there have been less deaths from same sex marriages than his righteous foreign policy.

Fahim Ahmad, 21, of Robinstone Drive, Toronto Zakaria Amara, 20, of Periwinkle Crescent, Mississauga Asad Ansari, 21, of Rosehurst Drive, Mississauga Shareef Abdelhaleen, 30, of Lowville Heights, Mississauga Qayyum Abdul Jamal, 43, of Montevideo Road, Mississauga Mohammed Dirie, 22, Kingston Yasim Abdi Mohamed, 24, Kingston Jahmaal James, 23, of Trudelle Street, Toronto Amin Mohamed Durrani, 19, of Stonehill Court, Toronto Steven Vikash Chand alias Abdul Shakur, 25, of Treverton Drive, Toronto Ahmad Mustafa Ghany, 21, of Robin Drive, Mississauga Saad Khalid, 19, of Eclipse Avenue, Mississauga

Sparkling colonic tonic!

So the better half (or should I say the shittier half in about 20 minutes, har har har) just ingested some sparkling lemon lime laxative. This is to prepare her for her procedure tomorrow at the clinic. I am fascinated by this entire procedure. She is now taking additional tablets for a more explosive bowel movements. This will be followed by an self applied enema. I figure I have to leave the house in about 30 minutes to avoid the shittiness to come. The farts have already begun. Argghhh......