Day two - Gates of hell

In addition to the giant vagina in our house, Steven has managed to open the gates of hell. During the course of opening up the pantry, we discovered a previously unknown trap door that leads to the crawlspace. This might have explain the temperature difference between the kitchen and pantry. If you listen closely at night you can hear whispering emanating from the hole. Lex saw a pair of red eyes peering out from the crawlspace (at least that is what she told me).

They also tore down the drywall for the ceiling and the divider. Holy shit.

Close up of the previous renovation work. Looks like Chad ran out of dry wall and instead used a piece of flooring to cement the back splash too. Nice work Chad.

The kitchen looks like a bomb went off.

Another close up of the trap door and the crawlspace. The other hole is underneath the staircase. We plan to re-frame underneath the staircase for a series of drawers that follow the profile of the staircase.

Carnage.

End of Day 1 - A giant orifice in the house.

Figure 1

Figure 2

Figure 3

Figure 4

Figure 5

Figure 6

Figure 7

Figure 8

I came home to an empty kitchen and a giant vagina separating the living and dining room. Stephen and his merry crew erected a safe room using plastic sheeting. To get into the safe room, they installed a giant red zipper for an entry (Fig 1 & 8). Figure 2 is of the wifey stepping into the giant vagina - I suppose this could be read as something Freudian, but at this point I am at a loss for words. Figures 3-7 are what is left of the kitchen. If you look closely in figure 6, you can see a piece of flooring used to brace the drywall. I know for a fact that this was done by Chad, the contractor we used for the garage. Chad is quite a lazy resourceful fellow.

We met the original owner of the house who installed the green marble counter top. He went on and on how expensive the imported Italian marble was. During his monologue, my internal monologue was thinking that green marble reminds me of tombstones and other structures associated with the dead. When we told him our plans to renovate, he got upset and agitated. He took it as a personal insult that we were removing the counter top. I suppose he is right at some level - I think his aesthetics are questionable.

Here we go ...

The crew showed up this afternoon for day one of the renovations. We spent yesterday evening moving the kitchen and dining room to the living room. Phase one will consist of demolition of the kitchen, staircase and dining room. Here are pictures of the old kitchen. The cabinets are the original ones from 1974 with new faces. They are moldy and warped inside. The clearance between the counter and the cabinets is 14". They should be 18", hence the knocked over wine bottles when the cabinets are open. The light source used to be a fluorescent light box that was replaced with an ugly soffit. We are going to push the ceiling up to gain 4 inches . Also, check out the light fixture, it is made of some sort of plastic. The green counter top will also be leaving us. Check out the direction of the wood floor in the dining room. The previous owners were going for a different look I suppose. I am not sure what look it was though because it looks like turtle diarrhea to me.

FUCK YEAH!

Me - 13.1 miles - 1:31:42. That is 4:20 per kilometer or 7 minutes per mile.

My better Half - 26.3 miles - 4:43:51. 10:50 per mile.

Next goal is to run a 1:25 and be sub 18 min for 5K.

Verbatim

Commenting about a hateful classmate that just came back from an exchange in South Africa:

Friend: She gained weight over the summer but didn't lose it last semester. If you can't lose weight in Africa, where can you lose weight?

Oh fuck ...

Two days until race day.
Three days until D-day (Demolition day).
Nothing has been moved in the house.
FUCK!

Karma or an Exercise in Conspicous Consumption?

I lost my scarf and Burberry earmuffs earlier this afternoon. I had them stashed in my knapsack but the bag wasn't zipped closed so the cute and fuzzy earmuffs were in plain view. I suspect that someone helped themselves to my belongings while I wasn't paying attention. I'm pretty careful with my belongings and I always tuck my scarf into my bag since I don't like to carry it with me or loop it around my bag. It would be odd for me to misplace both my scarf and earmuffs.

At first I was bummed out about it, I'd grown very attached to the earmuffs. Since I subscribe to the idea of karma, do good things and good things will happen to you, I wondered if I was being punished for an earlier misdeed. And then I remembered what had happened earlier this week.

Two summers ago I was living in Toronto with two friends. One of my friends is the former roommate of my ex-boyfriend, let's call him Nelly. Nelly had left some of his belongings at the house, including one baking pan in the shape of a sand castle. At the time, I wanted a memento of Nelly so I asked him if I could keep the baking pan. I brought it back with me to Kingston and looked at it from time to time with great fondness. SFS snapped me out of that crazy shit. In one of my rage-fueled benders, I threw out everything that reminded me of Nelly. Gifts, cards, notes, baking pans in the shape of sand castles.

Earlier this week I got a message from Nelly asking me: a) if we were on speaking terms. b) if I had the baking pan, and c) if I did, could I return it to my friend's house, in Toronto. I deleted that shit and have no intention to talk to him.

To wit, in karma's eyes, a pair of Burberry earmuffs is equal to one baking pan shaped like a sand castle, thrown out in spite, and an ignored message that signals that I am still not on speaking terms with my hateful ex-boyfriend.

My response: It was worth it. Best money I ever spent.

Free Corey!

Update: Earmuffs and scarf have been located!

My friend, IFL, found both of them just sitting on a library table. Hooray!

Me: [picking up phone] Hello?

IFL: Black scarf? Burberry earmuffs?

Me: GASP! Did you find them?

IFL: Yeah! They were just sitting on the first table in the librar-

Me: I LOVE YOU! On Valentine's Day, I will be your valentine!

One hundred push-ups

I am in a competition with the sys admin at work to bust out a hundred push-ups. As part of my running I do a set of 50 in the morning and a set of 50 before bedtime. I don't know if I can do a hundred, a hundred is a fuck load.

We need to come up with some sort of humiliation for the loser.

All suggestions welcome.

Free Corey!

He has 6 minutes left on the clock.

Apparently You Do Have to Say Sorry

Corey the party kid got arrested. DListed put it best:

Corey Delaney is the douche teenager I posted about yesterday who threw "the best party ever." Well, looks like Corey's party is over. The 16-year-old was arrested this morning in Australia. The charges? Australian newspapers are reporting that he's been charged with producing child pornography and creating a public nuisance.

Looks like idiot Corey left the tapes behind and his parents and police found them. Corey was on the run from his parents after news of the party broke. He was reportedly questioned and then released to return next month to court.

He's just as dumb as I thought he was. Corey's going to need his famous sunglasses when he's in jail. He's going to need them to hide the tears while he's getting gang banged. Oh Corey! Why do you have to be so dumb?

Being cool means never having to say sorry.

This kid is hilarious, he basically does what every kid does to the n-th degree. His parents leave town and he throws a party that is raided by the police. A riot breaks out and he is fined $20,000. He is unrepentant about the party. Watch the youtube clip, the smug interviewer is made to look like an ass at the end. As put in the news, "she got steamrolled." Win one for the good guys.

Classic lines from the clip:

Interviewer: Take off those glasses.
Kid: I'll say sorry but I'm not taking off the glasses.
Interviewer: Why not?
Kid: Cuz they're famous ...

Interviewer: What would you say to other kids who's parents are out of town?
Kid: Get me to do it for you.

Interviewer: "Go away and take a good long hard look at yourself."
Kid: "I have, everyone has and they love it."

My life thus far...

It's been a while since I've posted an entry on here. Ever since they blocked all blogs and forums at work, I feel a little shaky. It's hard to vent my passive aggressive frustrations when I'm unable to do so on the spot.

Recent memories include going to a Linkin Park concert. Shuttup, i know i know. I figured it's been a long time since I've been to any concert that i might as well check these guys out. Well what can i say? They suck even more live. My god do they suck. 4 pints of beer didn't even make them seem cooler.

I got a new LED clock the other day. Totally awesome, it comes in 3 blocks (one each for hour, minute, and second) and is bright enough to light my house up with a heavenly glow.

For new years, i made it a point NOT to have any plans this year. Man was it awesome. Just go where ever the hell I want with no schedule to follow. We cooked an awesome dinner at home, then trekked over to Joanne's house which had an awesome view of Central. I managed to take some photos of the fireworks and they mostly turned out ok.

Then I went over to a friend's house for a little poker where i proceeded to win beer money. We finally made our way to Lan Kwai Fong at 2am because I wanted to see the morons out in full-force. As expected, the stupidity of people didn't let me down. Drunken fools were trying to open up taxi (in short supply that night) doors while the car was moving at FULL SPEED. I had my camera ready to capture any splatter, but unfortunately there were none.

How did everybody else's new years go?

Art in the mail

I recently got two prints in the mail - limited edition 12 color silkscreens. I cannot wait to framed them for the staircase. I wonder what guests will think.

I've met cats and dogs smarter than Corey and Trevor.

A new year is upon us. This blog has been quiet of late. Well let me tell you what I have been up to and of upcoming items of interest.

My office neighbor is a visiting professor from Canada. He introduced me to two fine Canadian programs that are sponsored by the NFB - Trailer Park Boys and Kenny vs Spenny. TPB makes me miss Canada, there is something to be said about Canadian rednecks. They seem less threatening than their American counterparts. The ones in Canada smoke pot, listen to Rush, drink Molson, watch hockey etc ... these are all things that I do too! The ones here will shoot you with their guns or fuck you in the ass Deliverance style. I grew up in the middle of a hick province, I saw dudes like this hanging out at Heritage Mall in their IROCs or kicking the shit out of people at Harry Ainlay.

Our high school only had a few of these guys, one guy that comes to mind is Ken Vine. However, Ken was a small fry, he was the redneck at a nerd school. How hard could one be attending OSA? Our harmless pranks consisted of spraying the outside of the school in mustard and ketchup, stink bombs, destroying the curtains, stealing exams etc... I recall him hopping off a ladder in the auditorium and on to the handle of a vacuum. The vacuum handle ripped his jeans and nearly ripped him a new asshole. He had to get stitches, the joke at the time was, "Ken tried to get an asshole transplant, but the asshole rejected him. "

Anyways, our home renovations start soon. I will be posting pictures of the progress these upcoming months.

First two photos of my fine city courtesy of LT. The third one is of my favorite pal.

PS. Remind me to tell you stories about the janitor from our high school. He was the high priest of a local coven of witches and warlocks. Eugene P. could fuck you up big time.