Spiderman

Holy crap, people! Last night I discovered an enormous spiderweb at the front entrance of my apartment. Words can't adequately describe the size of the web. I'd say it was roughly the size of a basketball. Really! It was even spherical in shape since there were multiple webs to lend it a 3-D quality. It was hard to see in the daylight but last night it was perfectly lit up and I could see that it was home to four huge spiders!

You can see the size of the spiders in the first picture. And the second picture is fuzzy but you can see the size of the web and the amount of insects caught in it.

Thinking Out Loud

I'm debating whether or not to funnel my obsession with pop. culture through a more useful (at least for me) conduit. I'm thinking of doing my Advanced Torts term paper on whether celebrities deserve more or less protection in terms of privacy law when dealing with the paparazzi. I think it's the only way to sustain my interest for a 30-page paper. The prof is open and easy-going and wouldn't care if I did this topic or "abolishing jury trials in Canadian civil litigation".

Do you think I'd be allowed to add screenshots from Perez Hilton in there?

And I'm adding the SD turtle picture in this post as well since it's too fantastic not to post. C'mon, it's funny!

Good-bye summer, hello fall ...

For reasons to numerous to list, it has been a pretty dope summer. Family and friends dropped by, running and surfing, various running races and good food really made it something special. I was especially happy with my family visiting. It was nice to have everyone over and hanging out at our place - shit talking, drinking, arm wrestling, Guitar Hero all ensued. I am also stoked CS and CR got to be part of this too! Thanks to all for coming to our shin dig and hope to see you all next year in Hawaii.
Publish Post

Roll Call!

Currently present for the festivities:

• Heidi
• SFS
• Chix with Knives
• J
• Cherry
• Peter

Still awaiting:

• LT
• Hawaiian Five-0
  
• British N
  
• A-Guy
• PY
• A-Gien

Hells yeah, this weekend is going to be ridiculous!

No homo ...

Franz: Hello! We're back!

Hans: I am Hans.

Franz: And I am Franz.

Together: And we just want to.. [ clap ] Pump.. you up!

Hans: Alright. But before we can pump you up tonight, we have to answer a piece of viewer mail.

Franz: Ya. Ya. This is a letter we received from a Bill Tompkins. I'll only read an excerpt, so I don't go into his loser details. "Dear Hans & Franz: I have recently seen your.. mo-.. mo-"

Hans: Moronic.

Franz: "..Your moronic show, and have wondered why you don't open your own gym. Maybe you are too stupid." [ crumples letter ] You know, maybe you thought this letter would make us angry; but it only makes us sad.

Hans: Really, ya. We are sad, you know, because anyone who calls us "stupid" is really just jealous. Because their girlfriend looks at us, then looks at him, and realzies she's cuddling up with a little girly-man!

Franz: Ya. Ya, girly-man. Hear me now and believe me later - but don't think about it ever, because, if you try to think, you might cause a flabulance!

Hans: Ya!

Dining as sport ....

My numero uno pale pal here in SD was feeling pretty great on Sunday. Why you may ask? He ate 30 gyozas (known as Jiaozi to us more refined folks). I was underwhelmed, I have seen my younger brother inhale plates. There may have to be eating portion added to the Battle Royale this fall. The events will be as follows - running, swimming, arm wrestling and gluttony. Who's in?
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Blog Mischief

Office Mischief...

So 7-11 here is always giving out free trinkets with purchases. People love collecting this stuff. A while back, they were giving out little paper, cut out dogs. This girl at the office managed to get the whole set and line them all up above her desk at the office. Those dogs were looking too cute, so I had to do something about it:

Happy Birthday, Sock Monkey #3

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Memento

I went to Wonderland on the weekend and witnessed the following scene.

My friends and I just got off the Water Canyon ride and were exiting the ride via a path that was beside the entrance line. We heard loud squawking and when we got closer we saw a group of ghetto girls with the most ghetto one was yelling into her phone with “Mom! I just snapped! I had to do it!”

We were puzzled but kept walking. One friend spied something on the ground, something that looked like a fat fuzzy caterpillar. We saw another, and another. My other friend shouted “That’s someone’s weave!” There were torn-out hair extensions on the ground!

We kept walking and saw security walking in. We kept walking and then we heard shouts of “No! Let go!”

Goddammit

My most favourite rejection letter so far:

Thank you for submitting your application for an articling position with [Nice Law Firm that Took the Time to Let Me Down Gently]

At this time, our firm does not intend to hire an articling student. Nevertheless, we were most impressed with your application and trust that you will be successful in your search for a position.

We wish you all the best in your future endeavours, and we remain,

Yours very truly,
[Nice Law Firm that Took the Time to Let Me Down Gently]

My least favourite rejection letter so far:

Thank you for your application for an articling position with [Law Firm that Just Did a Mass E-mail Merge]. We appreciate your interest in our firm.

Unfortunately, we cannot offer you a position. Thank you again for your interest. We wish you success in your future endeavours.

Yours very truly,
[Law Firm that Just Did a Mass E-mail Merge]

Current interest in my life ....

GO PRE!

More Verbatim

Today's little golden nugget from Number 1's secretary.

She gave me an assignment of doing another land transaction summary today and I have to admit that I like doing them since they keep me busy when Numbers 1-3 get caught up in their own work and forget to give me work to do. After she gave me the documents she looked at me and said in a conspiratorial whisper:

Remember, you're not doing this for me, you're doing this for [the company].

Spectacular, non? It's like she's trying to indoctrinate me. I'm trying to figure out if I have a put-out look on my face when she gives me these things to do, but I'm pretty sure that I don't. I make sure to always have a smile affixed to my face while in the office (life is just easier at the office with a smile instead of a sour expression) and I've perfected my work laugh (yes, just like that episode of Friends) so that it doesn't come off disingenuous or condescending.

By the way, I highly recommend having a work laugh. It's a perfect filler for when co-workers say something astounding/irrelevant/not funny/all of the above.

More than meets the eye ...

What can I say except that Transformers is a good summer movie - explosions, one-liners, car chases, fighting robots, product placement etc .... This was definitely worth my hard earned cash, more fun than two giant robot phalluses up my rectum.

PS. What is up with Megatron's trigger placement.

PPS. I have terrible gas today. I let one rip in my office. The fart smelled so bad that I propped the door open. I thought to myself, "Geez, I hope no one comes to my foul smelling office." Two minutes later the boss made a visit.

My Puss-Filled Scabby Knee

This spite-filled post goes out to Sock Monkeys 1 and 3 since "girly" posts are deemed unacceptable.

I had softball last night and the following are the highlights:

• I caught a fly ball! I celebrated by jumping up and down with joy since this was a very rare occurrence.


• I missed catching the ball at home plate thus allowing the other team to score a run.


• The bases were loaded when it was one of my turns to bat, I struck out.


• I scored two runs! Funny story, on the second run the base coach messed me up and so I tried making a break for home. But the catcher caught the ball and had his eye on me so I had to run back to third base.

• I tripped running back to the base and got a a nasty gash right below my knee

• I went to work today with a Winne the Pooh band-aid that I swiped from Z's drawer (sorry, Z!) on my knee. Unfortunately the skin by the gash keeps flexing so it's not scabbing correctly and is consequently filled with puss and is oozing.

• I bought Curious George band-aids (Z, do you like Curious George? I also saw Spiderman band-aids at the store if you want those instead) at lunch so I will have a delightfully curious monkey following me around at work for the rest of the week.

Update: Hey! My camera can take crisp photos!

More Work Verbatim

For this past week the office's cooling system could best be described as "shiteous". One of my outfits in my work-wardrobe rotation is a grey knee-length baby-doll dress with princess sleeves, typically worn with black leggings and my black mary-janes with a 2.5" stacked heel. Since this week was disgustingly hot I decided to forgo the leggings but before I left the house I made sure that my hem and neckline were work appropriate and that the dress was suitably opaque.

This is what Number 1's awful secretary said to me the minute she laid eyes on me:

Preparing for another hot day in the office?

The hell?! Did she just tell me that I was dressed like a streetwalker?!

I spent half of the morning polling my work friends and they were all just as puzzled as me. Our only conclusion was that a baby-doll dress and 2.5" heels aren't typical office attire. But considering that some co-workers look like they just rolled out of bed, I don't think I should be judged for my heels and the fact that I care about my personal appearance and personal hygiene. Jesus, it's not like I came into work wearing a mini-skirt and 2.5" stilettos, whore make-up and un-washed hair.


source and source

This One is Also Sung in the Key of FUCK YEAH!

The Spice Girls are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN, MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 4 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Ms. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

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This one is sung in the key of FUCK YEAH!

The Verve are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 38 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Mr. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

FUCK YEAH! It is 1997 all over again!!!!!

I Never Meet Any Normal Guys

The background story: I made tentative plans with EQ on Wednesday for today, Sunday. He wasn't sure if he was free but he said he'd let me know by Friday what the deal was. I didn't hear from him all week until 7:48pm today via text message.

Hey Heidi sorry about today. Ended up helping my friend with the bbq

Wow. It's almost spectacular; I've never met a guy before that cared just enough to contact the girl after standing her up and after such a serious length of lag time. Have any of you guys ever pulled such a shithead of a move before?