Party in Two Months

Who's going to San Diego in August? There's no excuse not to go. This is the perfect opportunity for all of to get together and get drunk and throw XCharlesBronsonX into the ocean.

Meanwhile, I'm sick of hockey and soocer. I wish there was a dodgeball tournement on tv instead.

Chuck!!

Got a new suit! Just in time for the wedding banquet although I probably won't be needing it for the damn zoo.

And Chuck F'ing Norris!

Wedding in LA

Went to Martin of Giant Robot magazine fame wedding yesterday. Pretty good times. They had ice cream for us during the ceremony. The Ray Barbee band played background music for the ceremony. Daniel Wu was there with his partner. He looks much shorter in real life. He chain smoked the entire time. Hung out at Bill the Bear's house after the ceremony and met a singer from some band. She cursed like a sailor. I cannot believe she used to be an english teacher. Her vocabulary consisted of the words: Fuck!; Man!; Dude!

At the reception they had 2 punk bands play. I have never seen 300 old chinese people move their asses so fast. The first band emptied out the room like a bad fart.

The Boredom at Work is Killing My Soul

So I started my summer job this week and so far it's been a little underwhelming. Yesterday I literally opened a file and spread it out across my desk and opened a spreadsheet on my computer and then proceeded to daydream for the next 7.5 hours because I had nothing to do. Well, I guess to be fair, I did do some work. I updated my resume.

Things are this slow at the office because my supervisor is busy with his own projects and while he did assign me a project it's not going anywhere because he has to get back to me on something. So until I hear back from him I'm free to update resumes for people.

I was doin this shit when you was shittin Pampers

I just wanted to see that phrase on the internet yo!

This is what happens when you steal ....

Read this webpage, this poor guy had his Sidekick stolen. Very entertaining.

Assholes

What is up with the following assholes? They are all Canadian citizens, and yet they want destroy the country that granted them citizenship. These assholes should be grateful that Canada is what it is. They should be shipped back to some god forsaken middle eastern shithole to learn what hard times really are. Because of the wealth of the nation, the lesiure time granted to these dickheads results in this sort of extra curricular activity. Back in the old country they would be dodging IED's, death squads, building mud huts etc ... Some people just cannot handle leisure time (see Bertrand Russell for a cogent discussion of "leisure"). At the same time, a majority of the blame also falls upon the parents. Certain people should be sterilized, better yet, send them to permanent re-education camps.

P.S. The Great Decider should note that there have been less deaths from same sex marriages than his righteous foreign policy.

Fahim Ahmad, 21, of Robinstone Drive, Toronto Zakaria Amara, 20, of Periwinkle Crescent, Mississauga Asad Ansari, 21, of Rosehurst Drive, Mississauga Shareef Abdelhaleen, 30, of Lowville Heights, Mississauga Qayyum Abdul Jamal, 43, of Montevideo Road, Mississauga Mohammed Dirie, 22, Kingston Yasim Abdi Mohamed, 24, Kingston Jahmaal James, 23, of Trudelle Street, Toronto Amin Mohamed Durrani, 19, of Stonehill Court, Toronto Steven Vikash Chand alias Abdul Shakur, 25, of Treverton Drive, Toronto Ahmad Mustafa Ghany, 21, of Robin Drive, Mississauga Saad Khalid, 19, of Eclipse Avenue, Mississauga

Sparkling colonic tonic!

So the better half (or should I say the shittier half in about 20 minutes, har har har) just ingested some sparkling lemon lime laxative. This is to prepare her for her procedure tomorrow at the clinic. I am fascinated by this entire procedure. She is now taking additional tablets for a more explosive bowel movements. This will be followed by an self applied enema. I figure I have to leave the house in about 30 minutes to avoid the shittiness to come. The farts have already begun. Argghhh......

The mean streets of HK

Ok, i think we have a contender for a proper follow-up to the crazy lady video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSHziqJWYcM

Good opportunity for anyone wishing to brush up on their chinese.

The Hyundai of Martial Arts

I just came across this article:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/5020804.stm

I can't decide which is stranger- Iraqi people practicing TKD, or that their olympic TDK team surrender and get taken hostage. Of course, if this was a troll blog, someone would go on to say something like "for a second there, i thought you were talking about the French."

But to be fair, I do realize the bad guys had guns and would've gotten their asses kicked without them. What is this world coming to? There's no more honor in hand-to-hand combat.

Aug 26th.

Design by our RISD graduate cousin. Check it out yo! I have no idea how the colors got inverted, but it looks even doper.

Update On My Broken Body

PapaHeidi finally talked me into seeing a doctor today. So my vacation is officially complete now that I've visited the hospital and came away with four different types of meds and an anti-inflammatory shot.

Wait, I still haven't taken my picture with Mickey yet. Okay, on Sunday, after Disneyland, my vacation will be officially complete.

Oh yeah, the diagnosis was a throat infection.

I Broke My Body

Speaking of immune systems, mine has completely left me. One week in HK's smog and my body has pitifully given up. My lungs feel like they're on fire everytime I breathe. And they're so weak that I'm afriad that if I cough too hard, they'll explode.

If it were possible I'd cut open my chest, remove my lungs, soak them in disinfectant and give them a good scrubbing and massage before returning them to my chest.

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I miss K-Hole. I'm too used to the air there now; a lot less people drive and indoor smoking has been banned so it's much cleaner.

ZOO TIME!!! Get down on the way up!

So I am having a party at the zoo. It will be so much fun that people will lose their minds. Open bar!!!!! Anyways, I am currently pissed at my brothers' employer (who shall remain nameless). All I have to say is that they should let them break their vacation up. It is the least they can do for them. For fuck's sake, they have to sit in offices with people reeking like chinese sausage. Fucking low-lifes. FUCK THE MAN!!!!!!!!

And don't forget, this what you get for fucking with primates. FUCKING HIV. GO VEGETARIAN!!!!! People are such barbarians in Africa. How do you eat bush meat? You might as well be a cannibal and eat your own kin. 99.7% shared genetics is no fluke.

Wooah woh oh those summer nights..

Jesus H Christ, it's summer season again and someone in my office really reeks. It's that sickly Chinese BO/MSG/mothball smell that makes me wanna throw up. For some reason it's blowing my way today and it's making me sick. I have some clues as to who it is...basically the whole department.

If my olfactory nerves were my eyes, i'd ask someone to stab them to save me from such a horrible vision.

the coolest video of all time

Check this! This is the greatest video of all time!

This is the song that is going through your head when you are leaving someone's house at 6 in the morning! What an amazing fucking feeling!!!

Coolest man on this planet ...

Watch this video of Richard Ashcroft on Regis and Kathy Lee. Watch the interview at the end. This video shows why he is quite possibly the coolest person ever. He gives off the vibe of undeniable cool.

Cooking Catastrophe

So I whipped up a batch of ill Indo curry tonight. The recipe from Grandma K requires a red chili puree. I mashed some up some fierce red chilis in the blender. Apparently the gaseous compounds released from the puree'ing ended up in my nose. My nose started burning up and I jumped in the shower. What I really wanted was to pour milk on my head. The shower did not help so I ended up just waiting it out - i.e., the pain receptors got so blown out that they ceased to register/sense/transmit any sort of noxious stimulation. The curry was pretty ill. Now the tissue under my finger nails are hurting. I wish I had some ice cream to stick my fingers in.

I've Lost My Blog!

The Heidi Report ran away. I don't know where it is or how to fix the problen. Blogger's help section is absolutely useless. Arg.

Anyway, this Sunday is Mother's Day. Be sure to call your moms and grandmas!

Silent Hill...

So i finally got to watch this movie since 3 years they announced they were making it. First of, the acting was horrendous. I think the movie would've been better if the main characters just ran around with nothing to say. Other than that, the transition scenes from normal world to hell were really well done. If you've played the game, you know what i'm talking about. These scenes were loud and made the movie a true Silent Hill experience. The plot loosely follows the first game. If you never played it, then there are some gaps that won't make any sense in the movie.

But the star of the movie...Pyramid Head....like anyone would expect. The level of brutality went from 5 to like 11 in any of the scenes he was in. Crazy, I never saw those parts coming.

The characters were annoying but the visuals alone make the movie worth watching. If you liked the games, you'll like the movie. Otherwise you'll probably hate it.