No need for terrorists!

Let me give you an idea of the kind of people I'm dealing with in HK. So i have nice hand towels in the washroom. Like the expensive kind that feel nice on your skin. I placed it in a towel bowl (actually, a nice dinner bowl) so it would make the washroom attractive. Some people came in to work on the washroom yesterday. I assume it went something like this:

"We need something to wipe this shit up...oh what's this? Perfect!"

When dad came to check on them, they were like wiping the floor with my towel although there were raggedy cleaning towels in plain site.

Oh yeah, you know how AC units have an little trapper to collect exhaust water and send it down a tube? The people that installed it, they figured if they use tape to attach the trapper, it would be good enough. Sure enough, the trap just fell off, just hanging by a little piece of tape. So i didn't even realize my AC unit was pouring water down onto the apartment front door below until i was wondering what all that splashing sound was.

Dad put it best. If these were the types of people that built airplanes, how safe would you feel?

UPDATE: So I was right. At first it was just too impossibly stupid to be true. When i told my dad, he didn't believe me people could be so retarded. Not only did the AC technician improperly install the water trap, he improperly installed the WHOLE FUCKING THING. When i looked at the AC, it looked like it was being held up by scrap, rotting, wooden pegs. But i thought it was just my tired eyes seeing things. I also noticed how the AC was awkwardly pointing upwards; I thought maybe all AC units do that now for more efficient cooling of the room. But another technician came in today and said "yup, that's fucked up, those wooden legs aren't even the right height." He had to pull the whole thing out and properly reinstall it.

So, if a strong typhoon had hit HK, it could've probably blew the AC off its legs where the shock would've probably caused it to bounce around before falling 5 floors down. But I guess people throwing boiling soy sauce and other random shit out the window wouldn't be surprised by a falling AC unit.

So the lesson you should learn here is that if you ever have to do renovations in HK, make sure you're there to supervise it. If possible, you should have a gun pointed at their heads while they do so. Otherwise they'll just F you in the A.

Indian Summer

Summer is still here. Nothing to report on this front. Work, surf, eat, sleep. Life is such. Ordered a new surfboard for the winter. Should come in 7 weeks.

Going to go see the Brian Jonestown Massacre tonight. The Tyde are opening. Should be good.

Lord of the Flies

Nothing really new to report on my end, except that I still think my ex is a selfish asshole and that I have fruit flies in my apartment.

I think the fruit flies came about when I opened up a cantelope a few weeks and failed to dispose of the rinds and guts right away. A can of Raid and a few sheets of flypaper later, I think I've taken care of most of the bugs. But now I'm scared to leave organic garbage out and the garbage disposal area in my building is seriously sketchy and has an even worse problem with flies. So I've settled for putting all my organic waste in a baggie in my freezer and tossing it out on garbage day. So if you ever come over to my place, the ice cream is next to the bag of frozen banana peels and egg shells. Yes, I'm aware of how disgusting that is.

Invasion...

Ok, since activity is dying down on both blogs, I'm recommending to start shit with the other blog: Drunken Amigos.

Same rules apply, no usage of real names. Feel free to point out stupidity when you spot it.

More Tales from HeidiLand

After this summer I don't think I'm going to live with roommates ever again; I end up feeling aggravated and pissed after the whole experience. But the thing is, after having issues with two of my Kingston roommates and now my Toronto roommates, I'm not sure if I have shitty luck or if I'm just a be-yotch.

My Toronto roommates are friends that I knew from before, one guy and girl who are dating each other. I'm not sure but I think I offended them off at some point because they usually act like I just pissed in their Corn Flakes whenever I try to engage them in conversation. They usually don't communicate directly with me, it's just indirect conversations laced with passive-aggression.

Highlights of my living experience with them include:

• I was tanning in the backyard and when I came back into the house the guy had left a note asking me to clean the bathrooms. I have no problem doing my share of the housework but what's with the note? After knowing each other for 1 1/2 years are we not close enough for you to make the effort of opening the screen door and walking 10 steps in order to have a direct conversation?
• One night I was watching tv in the living room, which is directly beside the front door, and they both left to spend the night at their respective family homes. The only reason I knew neither would be coming home that night was because I overheard their conversation earlier. The living room is only three feet away from the front door. They didn't call out goodbye as they left the house either.
• For a goodbye party I arranged a night out with some friends and had mentioned it earlier to them. A few days before I asked the girl if she and the guy were planning on coming. She turned around to the guy, who was beside her, and asked "what time are we leaving for the cottage?" The guy responded "I want to leave in the afternoon." And then the girl turned back to me and just looked at me without saying anything.
  

Why do I feel like I'm going to turn into that crazy cat-lady from The Simpsons?

I love the smell of napalm in the morning ...

It had been a weird year and it is not even over yet.

For a while I was 33 years old, unemployed and living in my parent's basement. I can blame my reversal of fortunes squarely upon Agent Quach of DHS. The v.c. motherfucker denied me entry into the U.S. Homeboy could barely speak english. I should of asked him how it feels to work for the government that napalmed his entire family. Because of midget man, we had to cancel our reception. On the flip side, I still got to go to Europe.

Every night I pray that Agent Quach catches HIV or SARS.

Just another one of those WTF just happened???

Ok, you guys help me intepret what happened to me yesterday.

I just finished buying groceries from the store down the street from home. I'm wearing shorts, running shoes, have a backpack on, and carrying stuff on both arms. So here i am walking back home; as i reach home, i noticed a kid ahead of me look me straight in the eye with a wierd smirk on his face. He couldnt' have been older than 20. Of course i don't think anything of it.

As i walk halfway up the stairs, suddenly he comes up and is like (in chinese), "excuse me sir, how big are your feet?" I'm like "huh??? uhh....size 9." He then proceeds to grab my ankle, lift my leg off the ground, and tries taking my left shoe off. He's like "just wanna check." I'm like WTF!?!? and slam my foot down. He then scurries off like a gawdamn rat.

So what was it?

1. He was really trying to steal my shoe (although a really bad attempt)
2. He was hoping i'd drop my groceries by making me run after him with one shoe on...where he would then proceed to steal my groceries?
3. As i ran after him, maybe someone was waiting around the corner to clock me? And then they could steal all my stuff?
4. He really did wanna know my shoe size because my shoes look so good on me? (just my old NB runners)
   

It could've been possible he followed me home because while I take one path home, he could've ran the other path so that he'd meet me head-on.

At any rate, while he was crouching down trying to take my shoe off, i should've said "hail to the king baby" and then kick him down the stairs.

Discuss.

This goes out to my balls

Awesome, the secretary finally came through for me and allowed me to take a chair meant for managers. It's not that i got promoted to manager (although i should have their gawdamn jobs...all of them combined). The cheap office chair i was using was so bad that it got to the point where i had nerve pains in my crotch where it would proceed to blaze a path down my left leg, do a sharp asian-lady-driver 180 degree turn up the same leg, back across my crotch, and into my lower back where the pains would perform River Dance and set another yet another record for the most taps in a 1 minute span.

With this new chair, the turn-around is not so much a sharp 180 turn, but more of a gentle uturn performed by an experienced driver. The move on my back is not so much a Michael Flatley, but a light-hearted jig.

What company would knowingly provide chairs that do this? oh i know!

It's Too Quiet in Here

Since there's been no activity in here for so long I'm just going to blog about something random. Look what I made Friday night! It's made up of concentric circles of white chocolate cheesecake and milk chocolate cheesecake.

And if you're thinking in your head "This is what you do on Friday nights? Instead of going out and socializing?" My answer is "No. I went out Saturday night so I took it easy on Friday. Jackass."

Party in Two Months

Who's going to San Diego in August? There's no excuse not to go. This is the perfect opportunity for all of to get together and get drunk and throw XCharlesBronsonX into the ocean.

Meanwhile, I'm sick of hockey and soocer. I wish there was a dodgeball tournement on tv instead.

Chuck!!

Got a new suit! Just in time for the wedding banquet although I probably won't be needing it for the damn zoo.

And Chuck F'ing Norris!

Wedding in LA

Went to Martin of Giant Robot magazine fame wedding yesterday. Pretty good times. They had ice cream for us during the ceremony. The Ray Barbee band played background music for the ceremony. Daniel Wu was there with his partner. He looks much shorter in real life. He chain smoked the entire time. Hung out at Bill the Bear's house after the ceremony and met a singer from some band. She cursed like a sailor. I cannot believe she used to be an english teacher. Her vocabulary consisted of the words: Fuck!; Man!; Dude!

At the reception they had 2 punk bands play. I have never seen 300 old chinese people move their asses so fast. The first band emptied out the room like a bad fart.

The Boredom at Work is Killing My Soul

So I started my summer job this week and so far it's been a little underwhelming. Yesterday I literally opened a file and spread it out across my desk and opened a spreadsheet on my computer and then proceeded to daydream for the next 7.5 hours because I had nothing to do. Well, I guess to be fair, I did do some work. I updated my resume.

Things are this slow at the office because my supervisor is busy with his own projects and while he did assign me a project it's not going anywhere because he has to get back to me on something. So until I hear back from him I'm free to update resumes for people.

I was doin this shit when you was shittin Pampers

I just wanted to see that phrase on the internet yo!

This is what happens when you steal ....

Read this webpage, this poor guy had his Sidekick stolen. Very entertaining.

Assholes

What is up with the following assholes? They are all Canadian citizens, and yet they want destroy the country that granted them citizenship. These assholes should be grateful that Canada is what it is. They should be shipped back to some god forsaken middle eastern shithole to learn what hard times really are. Because of the wealth of the nation, the lesiure time granted to these dickheads results in this sort of extra curricular activity. Back in the old country they would be dodging IED's, death squads, building mud huts etc ... Some people just cannot handle leisure time (see Bertrand Russell for a cogent discussion of "leisure"). At the same time, a majority of the blame also falls upon the parents. Certain people should be sterilized, better yet, send them to permanent re-education camps.

P.S. The Great Decider should note that there have been less deaths from same sex marriages than his righteous foreign policy.

Fahim Ahmad, 21, of Robinstone Drive, Toronto Zakaria Amara, 20, of Periwinkle Crescent, Mississauga Asad Ansari, 21, of Rosehurst Drive, Mississauga Shareef Abdelhaleen, 30, of Lowville Heights, Mississauga Qayyum Abdul Jamal, 43, of Montevideo Road, Mississauga Mohammed Dirie, 22, Kingston Yasim Abdi Mohamed, 24, Kingston Jahmaal James, 23, of Trudelle Street, Toronto Amin Mohamed Durrani, 19, of Stonehill Court, Toronto Steven Vikash Chand alias Abdul Shakur, 25, of Treverton Drive, Toronto Ahmad Mustafa Ghany, 21, of Robin Drive, Mississauga Saad Khalid, 19, of Eclipse Avenue, Mississauga

Sparkling colonic tonic!

So the better half (or should I say the shittier half in about 20 minutes, har har har) just ingested some sparkling lemon lime laxative. This is to prepare her for her procedure tomorrow at the clinic. I am fascinated by this entire procedure. She is now taking additional tablets for a more explosive bowel movements. This will be followed by an self applied enema. I figure I have to leave the house in about 30 minutes to avoid the shittiness to come. The farts have already begun. Argghhh......

The mean streets of HK

Ok, i think we have a contender for a proper follow-up to the crazy lady video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSHziqJWYcM

Good opportunity for anyone wishing to brush up on their chinese.

The Hyundai of Martial Arts

I just came across this article:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/5020804.stm

I can't decide which is stranger- Iraqi people practicing TKD, or that their olympic TDK team surrender and get taken hostage. Of course, if this was a troll blog, someone would go on to say something like "for a second there, i thought you were talking about the French."

But to be fair, I do realize the bad guys had guns and would've gotten their asses kicked without them. What is this world coming to? There's no more honor in hand-to-hand combat.

Aug 26th.

Design by our RISD graduate cousin. Check it out yo! I have no idea how the colors got inverted, but it looks even doper.