Bitches!

What's going on here bitches? I see this site has reached its first anniversary.

So what's new bitches?!!

Muslim Veils

If these jack asses cannot adapt to their guest countries' norms and traditions, maybe they should go back home. No one is forcing them to stay in Australia or England for that matter. I think the underlying message he is really saying is that Muslim men are savages and cannot keep their genitals in check.

While I am on my soap box, why did Madonna not just give the father money to raise the child. I do not see Bono, Bill and Melinda Gates, Oprah adopting children. The English should boot her out of their country. Send her back to Detroit with her fake ass English accent.

I just opened Pandora's box

So in my department, we have a stash of junk food and drinks for our Friday meetings (casual affairs where we discuss things). The food is bought with money donated by some of us, but of course not everyone contributes to the fund.

Stinky, who happens to sit beside the stash, is always going to crazy town on that shit. His contributions to the fund are obvious as I wouldn't write this entry if otherwise. Every so often, someone will make the comment "what the hell happened to all the food? Is someone stealing it??" Think about the trouble of going to buy this shit during lunch time and you can imagine my annoyance.

I'm always hungry in the office, so i bought bags of doritos. I made the mistake of sharing them one day. Some acted like the Flanders' kids on pixie sticks for the very first time; they were like WOW. Stinky just came back for more and more like he does whenever i have candy or whatever. And the thought of his grubby hands in there...yech. Given his history, I don't think i can ever eat doritos in peace.

I WANT DORITOS IN THE OFFICE BUT I CAN'T!!!! YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HERE??? AARGGGGH WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD??? !@#$#%

Can I say how awesome this is ...

Comments please.

"Everyone in this Room is Now Dumber for Having Listened to It"

When Little Thingies said that he'd just ordered three of Adam Sandler's movies on Amazon, I immediately thought of the above quote and laughed until I fell out of my chair. Then when I picked myself off of the floor I remembered this Smoking Gun article that was passed around a while ago and fell out of my chair laughing again.

My goal in life after I get out of law school is to use the same quote in a similar context somehow and somewhere.

Ghost busting in the 858

We went to Whaley House this weekend in Old Town. The house is said to be the most haunted house in North America. I started the evening off with two gin and tonics at home. This was followed by a double shot margarita. We were now ready. We saw NOTHING!!! We each payed $10 to go in. Such a let down. Afterwards we drank some more next door. BAH!

It's Miller Time!!! Or Milwaukee's Best time..

It's the start of Mid-Autumn Festival here and we just had our little office party. I joked to the secretary we should get beer...and she took me seriously like I hoped. Anyways, I'm drinking at the office right now and it's giving me a different perspective on life...like what the hell am I doing here when I should be at a real bar??

No need for terrorists!

Let me give you an idea of the kind of people I'm dealing with in HK. So i have nice hand towels in the washroom. Like the expensive kind that feel nice on your skin. I placed it in a towel bowl (actually, a nice dinner bowl) so it would make the washroom attractive. Some people came in to work on the washroom yesterday. I assume it went something like this:

"We need something to wipe this shit up...oh what's this? Perfect!"

When dad came to check on them, they were like wiping the floor with my towel although there were raggedy cleaning towels in plain site.

Oh yeah, you know how AC units have an little trapper to collect exhaust water and send it down a tube? The people that installed it, they figured if they use tape to attach the trapper, it would be good enough. Sure enough, the trap just fell off, just hanging by a little piece of tape. So i didn't even realize my AC unit was pouring water down onto the apartment front door below until i was wondering what all that splashing sound was.

Dad put it best. If these were the types of people that built airplanes, how safe would you feel?

UPDATE: So I was right. At first it was just too impossibly stupid to be true. When i told my dad, he didn't believe me people could be so retarded. Not only did the AC technician improperly install the water trap, he improperly installed the WHOLE FUCKING THING. When i looked at the AC, it looked like it was being held up by scrap, rotting, wooden pegs. But i thought it was just my tired eyes seeing things. I also noticed how the AC was awkwardly pointing upwards; I thought maybe all AC units do that now for more efficient cooling of the room. But another technician came in today and said "yup, that's fucked up, those wooden legs aren't even the right height." He had to pull the whole thing out and properly reinstall it.

So, if a strong typhoon had hit HK, it could've probably blew the AC off its legs where the shock would've probably caused it to bounce around before falling 5 floors down. But I guess people throwing boiling soy sauce and other random shit out the window wouldn't be surprised by a falling AC unit.

So the lesson you should learn here is that if you ever have to do renovations in HK, make sure you're there to supervise it. If possible, you should have a gun pointed at their heads while they do so. Otherwise they'll just F you in the A.

Indian Summer

Summer is still here. Nothing to report on this front. Work, surf, eat, sleep. Life is such. Ordered a new surfboard for the winter. Should come in 7 weeks.

Going to go see the Brian Jonestown Massacre tonight. The Tyde are opening. Should be good.

Lord of the Flies

Nothing really new to report on my end, except that I still think my ex is a selfish asshole and that I have fruit flies in my apartment.

I think the fruit flies came about when I opened up a cantelope a few weeks and failed to dispose of the rinds and guts right away. A can of Raid and a few sheets of flypaper later, I think I've taken care of most of the bugs. But now I'm scared to leave organic garbage out and the garbage disposal area in my building is seriously sketchy and has an even worse problem with flies. So I've settled for putting all my organic waste in a baggie in my freezer and tossing it out on garbage day. So if you ever come over to my place, the ice cream is next to the bag of frozen banana peels and egg shells. Yes, I'm aware of how disgusting that is.

Invasion...

Ok, since activity is dying down on both blogs, I'm recommending to start shit with the other blog: Drunken Amigos.

Same rules apply, no usage of real names. Feel free to point out stupidity when you spot it.

More Tales from HeidiLand

After this summer I don't think I'm going to live with roommates ever again; I end up feeling aggravated and pissed after the whole experience. But the thing is, after having issues with two of my Kingston roommates and now my Toronto roommates, I'm not sure if I have shitty luck or if I'm just a be-yotch.

My Toronto roommates are friends that I knew from before, one guy and girl who are dating each other. I'm not sure but I think I offended them off at some point because they usually act like I just pissed in their Corn Flakes whenever I try to engage them in conversation. They usually don't communicate directly with me, it's just indirect conversations laced with passive-aggression.

Highlights of my living experience with them include:

• I was tanning in the backyard and when I came back into the house the guy had left a note asking me to clean the bathrooms. I have no problem doing my share of the housework but what's with the note? After knowing each other for 1 1/2 years are we not close enough for you to make the effort of opening the screen door and walking 10 steps in order to have a direct conversation?
• One night I was watching tv in the living room, which is directly beside the front door, and they both left to spend the night at their respective family homes. The only reason I knew neither would be coming home that night was because I overheard their conversation earlier. The living room is only three feet away from the front door. They didn't call out goodbye as they left the house either.
• For a goodbye party I arranged a night out with some friends and had mentioned it earlier to them. A few days before I asked the girl if she and the guy were planning on coming. She turned around to the guy, who was beside her, and asked "what time are we leaving for the cottage?" The guy responded "I want to leave in the afternoon." And then the girl turned back to me and just looked at me without saying anything.
  

Why do I feel like I'm going to turn into that crazy cat-lady from The Simpsons?

I love the smell of napalm in the morning ...

It had been a weird year and it is not even over yet.

For a while I was 33 years old, unemployed and living in my parent's basement. I can blame my reversal of fortunes squarely upon Agent Quach of DHS. The v.c. motherfucker denied me entry into the U.S. Homeboy could barely speak english. I should of asked him how it feels to work for the government that napalmed his entire family. Because of midget man, we had to cancel our reception. On the flip side, I still got to go to Europe.

Every night I pray that Agent Quach catches HIV or SARS.

Just another one of those WTF just happened???

Ok, you guys help me intepret what happened to me yesterday.

I just finished buying groceries from the store down the street from home. I'm wearing shorts, running shoes, have a backpack on, and carrying stuff on both arms. So here i am walking back home; as i reach home, i noticed a kid ahead of me look me straight in the eye with a wierd smirk on his face. He couldnt' have been older than 20. Of course i don't think anything of it.

As i walk halfway up the stairs, suddenly he comes up and is like (in chinese), "excuse me sir, how big are your feet?" I'm like "huh??? uhh....size 9." He then proceeds to grab my ankle, lift my leg off the ground, and tries taking my left shoe off. He's like "just wanna check." I'm like WTF!?!? and slam my foot down. He then scurries off like a gawdamn rat.

So what was it?

1. He was really trying to steal my shoe (although a really bad attempt)
2. He was hoping i'd drop my groceries by making me run after him with one shoe on...where he would then proceed to steal my groceries?
3. As i ran after him, maybe someone was waiting around the corner to clock me? And then they could steal all my stuff?
4. He really did wanna know my shoe size because my shoes look so good on me? (just my old NB runners)
   

It could've been possible he followed me home because while I take one path home, he could've ran the other path so that he'd meet me head-on.

At any rate, while he was crouching down trying to take my shoe off, i should've said "hail to the king baby" and then kick him down the stairs.

Discuss.

This goes out to my balls

Awesome, the secretary finally came through for me and allowed me to take a chair meant for managers. It's not that i got promoted to manager (although i should have their gawdamn jobs...all of them combined). The cheap office chair i was using was so bad that it got to the point where i had nerve pains in my crotch where it would proceed to blaze a path down my left leg, do a sharp asian-lady-driver 180 degree turn up the same leg, back across my crotch, and into my lower back where the pains would perform River Dance and set another yet another record for the most taps in a 1 minute span.

With this new chair, the turn-around is not so much a sharp 180 turn, but more of a gentle uturn performed by an experienced driver. The move on my back is not so much a Michael Flatley, but a light-hearted jig.

What company would knowingly provide chairs that do this? oh i know!

It's Too Quiet in Here

Since there's been no activity in here for so long I'm just going to blog about something random. Look what I made Friday night! It's made up of concentric circles of white chocolate cheesecake and milk chocolate cheesecake.

And if you're thinking in your head "This is what you do on Friday nights? Instead of going out and socializing?" My answer is "No. I went out Saturday night so I took it easy on Friday. Jackass."

Party in Two Months

Who's going to San Diego in August? There's no excuse not to go. This is the perfect opportunity for all of to get together and get drunk and throw XCharlesBronsonX into the ocean.

Meanwhile, I'm sick of hockey and soocer. I wish there was a dodgeball tournement on tv instead.

Chuck!!

Got a new suit! Just in time for the wedding banquet although I probably won't be needing it for the damn zoo.

And Chuck F'ing Norris!

Wedding in LA

Went to Martin of Giant Robot magazine fame wedding yesterday. Pretty good times. They had ice cream for us during the ceremony. The Ray Barbee band played background music for the ceremony. Daniel Wu was there with his partner. He looks much shorter in real life. He chain smoked the entire time. Hung out at Bill the Bear's house after the ceremony and met a singer from some band. She cursed like a sailor. I cannot believe she used to be an english teacher. Her vocabulary consisted of the words: Fuck!; Man!; Dude!

At the reception they had 2 punk bands play. I have never seen 300 old chinese people move their asses so fast. The first band emptied out the room like a bad fart.

The Boredom at Work is Killing My Soul

So I started my summer job this week and so far it's been a little underwhelming. Yesterday I literally opened a file and spread it out across my desk and opened a spreadsheet on my computer and then proceeded to daydream for the next 7.5 hours because I had nothing to do. Well, I guess to be fair, I did do some work. I updated my resume.

Things are this slow at the office because my supervisor is busy with his own projects and while he did assign me a project it's not going anywhere because he has to get back to me on something. So until I hear back from him I'm free to update resumes for people.