Goddammit

My most favourite rejection letter so far:

Thank you for submitting your application for an articling position with [Nice Law Firm that Took the Time to Let Me Down Gently]

At this time, our firm does not intend to hire an articling student. Nevertheless, we were most impressed with your application and trust that you will be successful in your search for a position.

We wish you all the best in your future endeavours, and we remain,

Yours very truly,
[Nice Law Firm that Took the Time to Let Me Down Gently]

My least favourite rejection letter so far:

Thank you for your application for an articling position with [Law Firm that Just Did a Mass E-mail Merge]. We appreciate your interest in our firm.

Unfortunately, we cannot offer you a position. Thank you again for your interest. We wish you success in your future endeavours.

Yours very truly,
[Law Firm that Just Did a Mass E-mail Merge]

Current interest in my life ....

GO PRE!

More Verbatim

Today's little golden nugget from Number 1's secretary.

She gave me an assignment of doing another land transaction summary today and I have to admit that I like doing them since they keep me busy when Numbers 1-3 get caught up in their own work and forget to give me work to do. After she gave me the documents she looked at me and said in a conspiratorial whisper:

Remember, you're not doing this for me, you're doing this for [the company].

Spectacular, non? It's like she's trying to indoctrinate me. I'm trying to figure out if I have a put-out look on my face when she gives me these things to do, but I'm pretty sure that I don't. I make sure to always have a smile affixed to my face while in the office (life is just easier at the office with a smile instead of a sour expression) and I've perfected my work laugh (yes, just like that episode of Friends) so that it doesn't come off disingenuous or condescending.

By the way, I highly recommend having a work laugh. It's a perfect filler for when co-workers say something astounding/irrelevant/not funny/all of the above.

More than meets the eye ...

What can I say except that Transformers is a good summer movie - explosions, one-liners, car chases, fighting robots, product placement etc .... This was definitely worth my hard earned cash, more fun than two giant robot phalluses up my rectum.

PS. What is up with Megatron's trigger placement.

PPS. I have terrible gas today. I let one rip in my office. The fart smelled so bad that I propped the door open. I thought to myself, "Geez, I hope no one comes to my foul smelling office." Two minutes later the boss made a visit.

My Puss-Filled Scabby Knee

This spite-filled post goes out to Sock Monkeys 1 and 3 since "girly" posts are deemed unacceptable.

I had softball last night and the following are the highlights:

• I caught a fly ball! I celebrated by jumping up and down with joy since this was a very rare occurrence.


• I missed catching the ball at home plate thus allowing the other team to score a run.


• The bases were loaded when it was one of my turns to bat, I struck out.


• I scored two runs! Funny story, on the second run the base coach messed me up and so I tried making a break for home. But the catcher caught the ball and had his eye on me so I had to run back to third base.

• I tripped running back to the base and got a a nasty gash right below my knee

• I went to work today with a Winne the Pooh band-aid that I swiped from Z's drawer (sorry, Z!) on my knee. Unfortunately the skin by the gash keeps flexing so it's not scabbing correctly and is consequently filled with puss and is oozing.

• I bought Curious George band-aids (Z, do you like Curious George? I also saw Spiderman band-aids at the store if you want those instead) at lunch so I will have a delightfully curious monkey following me around at work for the rest of the week.

Update: Hey! My camera can take crisp photos!

More Work Verbatim

For this past week the office's cooling system could best be described as "shiteous". One of my outfits in my work-wardrobe rotation is a grey knee-length baby-doll dress with princess sleeves, typically worn with black leggings and my black mary-janes with a 2.5" stacked heel. Since this week was disgustingly hot I decided to forgo the leggings but before I left the house I made sure that my hem and neckline were work appropriate and that the dress was suitably opaque.

This is what Number 1's awful secretary said to me the minute she laid eyes on me:

Preparing for another hot day in the office?

The hell?! Did she just tell me that I was dressed like a streetwalker?!

I spent half of the morning polling my work friends and they were all just as puzzled as me. Our only conclusion was that a baby-doll dress and 2.5" heels aren't typical office attire. But considering that some co-workers look like they just rolled out of bed, I don't think I should be judged for my heels and the fact that I care about my personal appearance and personal hygiene. Jesus, it's not like I came into work wearing a mini-skirt and 2.5" stilettos, whore make-up and un-washed hair.


source and source

This One is Also Sung in the Key of FUCK YEAH!

The Spice Girls are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN, MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 4 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Ms. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

source

This one is sung in the key of FUCK YEAH!

The Verve are back together, this is fucking RIGHT ON, STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN MAN! For those that missed out the first time around, this is your chance to get a clue. And to remind you of the brilliance, here is the link to the best 4 minutes and 38 seconds of your life. If you don't think this is greatness to the power of 110, then your name is Mr. FUCKING WRONGENSTEIN.

FUCK YEAH! It is 1997 all over again!!!!!

I Never Meet Any Normal Guys

The background story: I made tentative plans with EQ on Wednesday for today, Sunday. He wasn't sure if he was free but he said he'd let me know by Friday what the deal was. I didn't hear from him all week until 7:48pm today via text message.

Hey Heidi sorry about today. Ended up helping my friend with the bbq

Wow. It's almost spectacular; I've never met a guy before that cared just enough to contact the girl after standing her up and after such a serious length of lag time. Have any of you guys ever pulled such a shithead of a move before?

Picture from Mud Run '07

We were THOSE GUYS! (i.e., Did you see THOSE GUYS? or THOSE GUYS think they are really funny! or I wish THOSE GUYS would shut the fuck up!"). In reality it was more like, "THOSE GUYS kicked our asses in the race."

What a riot!!

Ok, you guys will not believe this, J actually made a joke that i laughed at. We were talking about people stuck at our company X for life (this place has the tendency to trap you in a dead-end dept that you'll never escape). I call it the IT effect. You know what J called it?

Life without payroll

Get it??? YUK YUK YUK! He must be drinking on the job again to come up with zingers like that!

A Good Day

Friday was a day full of Good Times. Highlights include:

• Eating oatmeal cookies for breakfast
• Look, I know I said I'd give up junk food, but it's hard, okay?
  
• Getting paid
• Getting off work at 3:00
  
• Going to Medieval Times for my very first time with Pru-bert for Z's grade one graduation
• There's something kind of fun about eating half a roasted chicken with just my bare hands
• Our knight lost nearly all his challenges, but he still gets an E for effort
  
• Going to Schmooze afterwards. The place with the $2.50 Happy Hour and where LT and his friend got denied entrance that one time because they didn't have collared shirts on
• Went and met up with EQ
  
• Got hit on by EQ's bi-sexual female friend
• Finally conquering the Gardiner Expressway and Lakeshore Boulevard for driving around downtown Toronto

Hair club for men ...

My age is catching up to me. My hair is thinning on top of my head. This is really depressing. I don't think there are any cool bald people. Case in point: Phil Collins. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantastic Four - Rise of the Vomit in my Mouth

I cannot stress enough how much I hated this movie. If ever there was a movie that could be described as "all the good parts are shown in the trailer," this is it. The only way I can describe this turd- pointless. The Silver Surfer character is so pointless, they could've written him out of the story (but then they wouldn't have a reason for making this shit). He just mumbles a few lines, Jessica Alba stands around looking hot, Dr. Doom shoots lightning bolts, and hell comes to Earth in the shape of a giant fart cloud.

This is Galactus

This ISN'T Galactus

I'd rather sit at home with 2 cocks in my mouth, so none for this movie.

Self explanatory post.

Store in Bird Rock neighborhood.

Bedtime stories

Here's a conversation over email i had the other day with Hawaiian Five-O (she had bolted straight up in bed the previous night):

Me: Was i dreaming or did you really suddenly wake up last night and yell "SHIT" because my farts were really bad?

Her: no !! you were not dreaming!! i woke up by your stinky farts once AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost puke!!! =p

Me: i thought you yelled SHIT because we both forgot to wake up or something. But then i smelled how bad the farts were under the covers and realized that's what you were screaming about. that's so funny..

Her: no .. i asked you "did you fart again?" you said "NOoo" and i thought i smelled something funny from outside so i tried covered my face with the blanket ... then i realized no!!! it is really your fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i almost gonna throw away the blanket!!!!!!!!!!! this is not funny!! this is the second time i woke up by your stinkie fart!! >_<~~~~~~

The two sock monkeys ....

in HK are threatening me with great bodily harm this September. After I stated the events of fitness to be, one of them said he was going to have to excuse himself. The excuse being that he wanted to be the photographer for those events. I am calling you out as a Person Under Severe Stress Yo (aka PUSSY)!

"And Four, You've Been Yelled At!"

The girl on the left is one of my friends that took a picture as well. And if you look beyond her you can make out a large barrel-shaped security guard getting ready to yell at us.

Cupcakes!

I Don't Take Very Good Pictures

This is probably my most interesting picture from my NY trip. Unless you want to see a picture of Magnolia cupcakes.